I wake up every morning with the feeling that every day is a chance to make things right. By the time I go to bed that feeling is nowhere to be found. I go to sleep sad and angry at myself. I wonder why even the smallest effort seems beyond my ability. I think of giving up and I imagine hanging myself. I tie a rope around my neck to feel what it would be like,the lack of blood flow to the brain, the inability to grasp for air. I imagine the same thing under the weight of my body. I always thought I would go "peacefully" but after two years even this looks tempting. Every week, I have several breakdowns. They are becoming more frequent, more violent and It wont be long before I give in. My name is Marie and Im 20 years old. I live in Belgium and I never thought life would end this way.