Discussion in 'Welcome' started by JayJ, Dec 1, 2009.

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  1. JayJ

    JayJ New Member

    Hi, i'm new here, my name's j and I'm 22. I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past couple of months now, and a panic disorder lasting 4 years. I used to have a problem with cocaine, alchohol and cannabis, but have since stopped using.
    I've noticed a sharp decline in my mental state over the past year, since I lost my job and had to move in back home with my parents. I've been having more frequent panic attacks, heart palpitations, anxiety. I used find it near impossible to sleep as I felt I might not wake up again. if I do sleep, I have extremely vivid and unpleasant dreams.
    Sometmes I look in the mirror and geniunely don't recognise myself, as if I'm seeing an entirely different person.
    I have a small group of close friends who I feel are there for me, but don't know that I'm feeling depressed. I've been looking for a person or people to talk to, but I've found it extremely hard to talk to anyone I know. I haven't gone to my GP to talk about depression, he only seems really interested in treating physical symptoms whenever I see him. The idea of being on anti depressnts doesn't appeal to me.
    Anyway, I guess that's my story roughly. I'm currently feeling stable, and tired.
  2. Terror

    Terror Well-Known Member

    Hi Jay and welcome, feel right at home. I hear about panic attacks a lot, I've never experienced it b4. How is it if yo don't mind describing it to me.
  3. morgan

    morgan Well-Known Member

    Hello J,
    This is a really great site to talk and find support for whatever you're going through. I joined recently and already I feel like this is a safe place. Message me if you want to talk, I'm a great listener!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum Jay :shake:
  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    welcome to the forum :) hope you will find lots of support :hug:
  7. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome! :hug:
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jay welcome to the forums..I well relate to panic attacks.. I take meds three times a day for mine..AD's aren't anything to be afraid of.. You really don't notice them in your system.. There are a few that make you tired but other than that they help take the edge off..Have you seen a PDOC? It might be something you should think about..I'm on six different meds and they keep me pretty stable.. It's just my thoughts I have to work on now..Good luck to you!!
  9. JayJ

    JayJ New Member

    Thank you for the warm welcome everyone, I really do geniunely appreciate it.

    I don't mind talking about it I guess. The more you know, the further you go.
    For me, personally they have varying degrees of severity and basis. I think the worst one I ever had was the first one. It was when I was 18 and had just got home from work at about 12am, I had something to eat and smoked a joint watching television.

    I remember just suddenly feeling very dizzy and feeling really conscious of my heart beat, which was beating extremely hard and fast. I broke out in a total flop sweat, was shaking, and started feeling an extreme sense of panic and fear. I also experienced an impending sense of doom.

    At the time I thought I was having a heart attack and got my friend to drive me to the hospital. After a clear ECG i felt alot more relieved but still felt really edgy. After that I could barely sleep a whole hour a night for a few weeks, having panic attacks about twice a month or so.

    Occasionaly I have panic attacks in a dream that wake me up and continue whilst I'm conscious. Other times I get panic attacks where I'm focusing on something that makes me panic, for example, in my old flat there was a long hallway connecting 3 rooms, and after going to the toilet one night, I was terrified that the hallway was too narrow, and that it was extremely dangerous to walk down there.

    Consciously I was semi-aware of the ridiculousness of that notion, but those fleeting realisations made me panic even more, feeling like there's something seriously wrong with my mind.

    I suppose I could go on here, but I've written a whole snotload of stuff lol. Hope that helps give you some insight into a panic disorder.

    And again, thank you for the warm welcome everyone.
  10. J_Oli3

    J_Oli3 Well-Known Member

    Hello JayJ :wave:
  11. JayJ

    JayJ New Member

    Hey stranger thanks for the welcome,

    I've never wanted to take any meds for depression or anxiety as I have had serious problems with addiction and dependancy in my past, and I keep trying to tell myself to get out of like this mental rut of sorts clean. I know that might be a sure fire way of putting too much strain on myself, but I feel like I have to try.
    I've thought about seeing a psychiatrist but I procrastinate on the issue. I'm often very shy in real life and I find it hard to talk about things that really get me down. I don't know if I could handle going over painful memories in therapy on a regular basis. My mind feels all over the place at the moment. I don't know, I probably should. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Is it something you'd say has helped you?
    Good luck to you too :smile:
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I use to see a shrink but he quit..I go thru an organization called ACT. They are for low income people..They now have two nurse practitioners listening to you and prescribing meds..They don't mess with my meds because I am finally on a combination that works..I have been seeing a therapist for four years and she's great.. She has helped me in alot of ways and not so much in others like my SI..I know only I can put that behind me and move on but I am afraid.. I isolate myself in my bedroom and have only a select few friends outside of the forum.. The members here are great.. Just by listening to their stories has helped me also.. They have even kept me from going thru with suicide twice since I have been here..I hope you seek the help you need.. Therapy helps more than anything in my opinion..Take care..
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum :shake:
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