Hi, i'm new here, my name's j and I'm 22. I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past couple of months now, and a panic disorder lasting 4 years. I used to have a problem with cocaine, alchohol and cannabis, but have since stopped using. I've noticed a sharp decline in my mental state over the past year, since I lost my job and had to move in back home with my parents. I've been having more frequent panic attacks, heart palpitations, anxiety. I used find it near impossible to sleep as I felt I might not wake up again. if I do sleep, I have extremely vivid and unpleasant dreams. Sometmes I look in the mirror and geniunely don't recognise myself, as if I'm seeing an entirely different person. I have a small group of close friends who I feel are there for me, but don't know that I'm feeling depressed. I've been looking for a person or people to talk to, but I've found it extremely hard to talk to anyone I know. I haven't gone to my GP to talk about depression, he only seems really interested in treating physical symptoms whenever I see him. The idea of being on anti depressnts doesn't appeal to me. Anyway, I guess that's my story roughly. I'm currently feeling stable, and tired.