I don't know really what I'm supposed to say but I can't stand being alive a lot of times. I guess I can just explain. I have a college degree and work two jobs that pay crap and I still have no money to do anything but buy shitty malt liquor drinks. I wouldn't say I'm an alocoholic because I never crave it, I just do it because it makes time in my miserable life fly by. I have pretty much not friends. I support an apartment right now for my girlfriend who I am infatuated and in love with but she's studying abroad. My girlfriend won't talk about anything serious about us, she's planning her life without me though she wants to be with me in the future? She won't talk about any deep emotions, she doesnt compliment be, and she barely even wants to get on something other than AOL instant messenger to talk to me. Everytime I try to be sexy or cute I get told that "it's creepy the way I do it" and when I try to talk about deep things, it leads to an argument and me feeling guilty for no reason. I just spent 400 dollars on her birthday present and she makes me feel like crap. I get abused at my full time job, and I can never sleep. I used to cut myself and had started again for a couple days 3 months ago, but quickly got control of myself again. I really feel like if I could fall asleep and never wake up that everything would be better. I hate my life and everything. I know the stupid normal reasons to live and that stupid shit, but I really can't think of any times I was ever happy besides a few.