Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Reina, Jan 10, 2010.

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  1. Reina

    Reina Member

    Hi....I'm Reina and I was sent here because I kept threatening to myself....I started having suicidal thoughts last year when my boyfriend passed away.....I got worse when I recieved his pic on my cell....now one of my friends left me and told me to get help.....I don't want to die....I feel like i should be punished for hurting others and messing up.....No one will listen when I try and talk about my problems so I guess I finally broke and lost a friend because I threatened to kill myself.....I wish I could get better and hopefully get my friend back....cause I know I'll never get my bf back....
  2. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    hi, welcome to SF :hug: sorry to hear you are hurting so bad, hope u can find support here :hug:
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Based on what you said here, I'm sure you can find some support and friends at SF. Welcome. If you have any questions please feel free to send me a private message.

  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF
    im so sorry to hear that.take care :hug:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey glad you are here. Talk to your doctor okay to get some grief coucilling set up for you. You need help to deal with death of your bf you can't do this on your own. Everyone grieves differently and you just need help. 1st step call your doctor and tell him you are feeling suicidal and that you need some councilling for grief this will help okay this will give you the outlet someone to talk to.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Reina. i agree with violet. Get some help in dealing with your grief. Sometimes when we open up to friends in the way you did, they are not sure how to react. They are afraid of doing or saying the wrong things so it is easier for them to walk away. They don't understand that they are helping just by listening and being there. Feel free to continue posting here. You will find we do listen. :hug:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Reina, :welcome:
  8. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Love your name, Reina~

    Getting over loved ones is a tough thing to do. Don't blame yourself for bad things though-- you're in a bad place now and it's a long road to recovery, but hang in there and talk to us whenever you feel sad. We'll try our best to help. <3
  9. Reina

    Reina Member

    The last time I told someone about my thoughts I was put in the hospital....I don't want to be treated like I'm some monster or creature that needs to be left in one room all day long...no one cared when I was there....I don't want to go back...I can't cry anymore...except when I sleep....I cry myself to sleep at night...lately the pain seems to numb me....I don't seem to care anymore....
  10. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Hi Reina,

    I'm sorry for your loss. I know too it sucks being treated like a criminal when you ask for help.

    I'm here if you need to talk.
  11. Reina

    Reina Member

    I haven't told my parents about my thoughts...they don't even know I'm on this site....we don't have the money for a therapist I know....their always trying to catch up on bills...I don't want them to worry or anyone....I told my cousin cause she's the same as me....I'm afraid that if I tried getting help that they would get farther behind in bills or that they'll start treating me different....I don't understand how people care about me....I just don't understand why?......why did he have to die and leave me here alone and suffering?....he was too young to die...he was only 16 or 17...why?....what did I do to deserve all this pain and suffering?....
  12. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    You didn't do anything to deserve it.

    I know it's hard when there is no money. I agre with the others that you need grief counseling,though.

    Maybe there is a free Hotline or group that can help you?

    You don't deserve to suffer.
  13. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Welcome to SF, sorry that you've been through so much.. :hug:
  14. Reina

    Reina Member

    My cousin has a councilor she goes to....she told me to get a pic of my bf cause we were dating online....when I got the pic I blamed myself more for his death...I couldn't stop thinking of him so I finally broke....I can try the councilor but I really don't think I'll get better....it's almost been a year since he died....on march 29.....
  15. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    Reina, I know you are hurting.

    Would your BF want you to hurt? I bet he wants you to be happy and feel the joys he can't feel right now. If you get all the help you can,you can do that.
  16. Reina

    Reina Member

    I know he wants me happy....that's why I think I've been sent some good dreams but they hurt cause he was in them....I've even had nightmares about family dying....now another guy I love acts like he hates me cause I'm this way.....I want help....my poems keep getting more and more depressing....I really want to be happy again....
  17. Maxie

    Maxie Active Member

    I'm glad you want help. Coming here was a great start!

    Keep talking,please.
  18. 1234

    1234 Active Member

    Hi Reina. My girlfriend recently left me and I think I know how you may feel. All I can say is that I think I know how you feel and that I wish I could help.
  19. Reina

    Reina Member

    Thanks....I don't understand....why do people care about me?....
  20. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Because we're all the same. If I can help someone else like me, I feel like maybe I can be helped as well.

    No one wants to feel like this- but we do... so we have to do our best to help eachother out.
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