Discussion in 'Welcome' started by thestranger, Jun 21, 2010.

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  1. thestranger

    thestranger New Member

    Hello... new user here. I'm not doing all that well. I saw a doc about it. He said I don't need to be hospitalized because I'm not making plans and don't have weapons or drugs or pills lying around. I'm more numb than sad and wake up nearly everyday not so happy to be here.

    He said I have a major depressive disorder, along with a schizoid personality disorder. You could basically interpret that as being a very extremely withdrawn loner. I've removed everyone from my life except for one, which I keep at a distance from most of the thoughts in my life. I'm alone, but not lonely. Its not a healthy way to be, but its my comfort zone. Letting people in my life is painful in the way that others seem to feel when they are all alone.

    It would seem I need to open up and let people in my life to get better and find any path to healing, but thats the catch 22. I want to be left alone.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I am glad you found us! I too am a loner and mostly by choice and somewhat due to my depression so I understand where you are coming from.
    I think you will make great friends here as I have. Maybe it is the fact that they don't know my real name and other personal details but I have been able to open up here a lot and it has helped.

    Glad to hear you don't have to go to the hospital, are things getting managed well you feel with meds? I would be dead without my meds that is for sure.

    Well nice to meet you and would love to hear more about you and anytime you are in a really rough spot be sure to reach out in the Suicide or Crisis Forum so members can help out and support you.

    Take care and keep posting.
    Bambi :arms:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I am glad to hear you sought out help instead of acting on your thoughts. Isolating ones self is common amongst those with depression. The interesting thing is that the very thing you want to do (be alone) feeds into and keeps your depression going. It is a viscious cycle. Allow people back into your life a little at a time. Try not to distance those that would like to help you out. Jining our forum is a good start. You can open up here and find a comfort zone. Then maybe that can help you extend it into real life. :hug:
  4. thestranger

    thestranger New Member

    Thank you for the welcome. I only spent a few days seeing a therapist, and its been several years now. He recommended medication, but I did not accept. At the time I had a very bad drug habit and had made a decision to try life without chemicals in my body.

    I've been drug free ever since. I changed my number and got rid of my unhealthy friendships and relationships (which left one). I have a lot less stress, and things to worry about, but still seems I'm in the same boat.

    Good to know I'm not alone in my isolation...
  5. thestranger

    thestranger New Member

    Thank you also for the welcome. I'm not so worried about acting on the thoughts, but its still bothersome that they hang around at all. I keep trying to let people in, but its such a habit to push them away. Especially the ones who might care. Accepting help seems to be something I'm very bad at.

    I'll keep hanging on and trying though... thanks for listening.
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