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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ComradeTom, Aug 30, 2010.

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  1. ComradeTom

    ComradeTom New Member

    Hi, I don't really know what to write here. I'll keep it brief.

    I don't feel great. Ever since my mid-teens I've suffered from various anxiety disorders. I've bottled up my feelings and tried to maintain the facade of being a regular functioning human, although it's difficult. I once attempted to explain my feelings to my parents, but they didn't understand and just yelled at me so we just swept it under the rug, never mentioned it again.

    I'm 24 and an only child. I have a University degree (which I had no interest in) and work for a reputable company. However, my job (which I've been in for 9 months now) is very stressful and only provokes and heightens my feelings of anxiety. I'd love to quit, but being an only child I'm also under a lot of pressure from my parents who don't want to see me waste my opportunities. They were very overprotective of me when growing up, and continue to be. I feel like I'm constantly living with their shadow looming over me. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've just blindly followed their suggestions all my life, partly because I feel that I owe them and partly because I'm unable to assert myself. On the few occasions I do I'm met with aggression.

    Anyway I screwed up at work recently. A major error brought on due to my anxiety. If I get away with it then I'm going to continue to be trapped in a job I despise, if I get fired then my parents will murder me.

    I just don't get enjoyment out of anything anymore. I used to write music, short stories and learn languages but I'm too anxious and stressed to enjoy these thigns anymore. I just get by, trying to survive each day, hoping that the morning never comes. I've considered ending it all with alarming regularity, but it will probably upset a few people, which holds me back. Besides, my preferred method would be to shoot myself in the head, but guns are hard to come by in England. I also often consider quickly packing my stuff into a suitcase and fleeing to another country without saying a word to anyone, so I can try and make a fresh start where nobody knows who I am.

    Sorry, this post was muddled and incoherent, much like my thoughts are. Sorry if it didn't make much sense.

    Hello, how are you.
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome
    I dont really have any advise for your problems but everyone is really nice on this forum so hopefully some one can help.
    So yeah just wanted to say hi :biggrin:
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi and wlecome to SF....

    I wonder if you are having any proffesional help? doctor? therapist?
    I hope you can find the support you're looking for...
  4. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to SF ComradeTom :)
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Tom.. Have you considered looking for another job while you still work there?? Don't be to quick to jump off the wagon.. Jobs are hard to come by these days.. Maybe save your money and then take a trip to whatever country you would like to live in.., Look for work while you are there..
  6. space777

    space777 New Member

    Oh wow, your words really struck a chord in me. I had/have wonderful parents, but they were over protective in certain ways, where in trying to be good parents they made me feel inadequate, like I was not capable of handling making adult decisions on my own so needed to listen to whatever they said. I know that they didn't mean to make me feel this way, but I grew up feeling too stupid to manage my own life, despite having numerous degrees and a good career. For most of my adult life I felt like a child pretending to be an adult. For the first time though, I am making my own decisions, and it feels great!
    When you talk to your parents, how are you behaving? Are you defensive, anxious, afraid? I discovered that when I approached my father with a calm and direct manner, and told him in a non-defensive way how I felt, he seemed to "get it." Slowly I am gaining more control over my own life and feel better. I KNOW how it feels to feel inadequate. Allow yourself to take some risks and make mistakes, you're human so you will make mistakes:).
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome! The first step is getting it out, and dealing with your issues. I suggest not attempting this alone, and to seek physical abd spiritual help. Take some time to rediscover yourself while doing some soul searching. I did and I feel great. It is through my faith that I am able to overcome my problems. Don't give up hope! :hug: Also welcome to the forum. :D
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. i think you will be surprised to learn you are not alone in the issues you find yourself combatting. Sometimes knowing others are in similar if not the same types of situations can help you better deal with them yourself. I wish you well. :hug:
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