Hi there, this is the first time I've ever posted in a forum like this and I guess that I'm not even really sure why I'm doing it.... guess I just need a place to let things out without being looked at like I've gone crazy. I've been battling depression since I was 11 years old, so the last ten years have been a bit of a struggle. I've also been self-harming since I was abouth 16. At times I cope really well and then something triggers me again and I'm a shivering heap on the bathroom floor. My DH got hospitalised last night and I just lost it today. I had my first drink at about 9am. I feel so powerless and out of control. I can't do anything for him, because it feels like I've made this all about myself now. I'm the tragic mess and now he has to be strong for me when he's ill. I hate feeling like this. I hate liiving like this.