Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Orion4, Feb 17, 2011.

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  1. Orion4

    Orion4 Member

    I've decided to come here to hopefully receive some sort of help/advice/comfort. I don't have my hopes up though. Over the past week or so I've come and gone from many different websites & chats after not getting much of anything. Only hearing "sorry" or something similar. Worst of all I've even had some people with the nerve to actually push and provoke me to harm myself. Really it's the last thing I need.

    So...I guess I'll start out by telling my situation. I'm a 23 year-old male. I guess you could say I've had bouts with depression over the past few years. I've never been actually diagnosed for it. For a while I coped by drinking heavily but I haven't done so in about 6 months because in that time-frame I was actually very happy. I feel VERY lost and overwhelmed. All I hear is 'oh, you'll get over it' or to accept everything. Not exactly what I want or need to hear.

    My mother who I've been very close to my whole life has been in declining health over the past couple of years, just before Christmas she was diagnosed wit stage III cancer. She's not doing well right now. I know there's nothing I can do for that and I'm going to end up losing her eventually.

    On top of that, my girlfriend and I broke up two days before Valentine's Day. This is what crushes me the most. I cannot even put into words how much she means to me and how much I love her. We were in a long distance relationship and she started to grow lonely and said it was time to end it. I asked her to keep her heart open and try to work things out with us again and all she can tell me is 'maybe'. She says she still loves me. I'm trying my damnedest to keep her. It's all the hope I have that keeps me going every day.

    I've told so many people this story. So many have told me to harden up and not be so emotional. That my girlfriend is trying to let me down kindly. Just go out and find someone else, like it's as easy as going to the store. I honestly have never had that sort of connection with someone before and I'm not giving up on it. I seriously want to live a life with her.
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Hiya, Welcome to SF. I'm around if you ever need anybody to talk to.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I agree that it is not helpful for someone to devalue your pain...it would be difficult enough to deal with your mother's diagnosis, but to also lose such a close relationship must be awful...I am so sorry you are going through this...wishing your mother a speedy recovery and please know that there are many ppl here who do provide genuine support and caring...of course, like all other groups of ppl, you will also find the banal (I have been guilty of the same myself, I must admit)...welcome again, J
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Welcome to the forum.
    Please post some more and let it out, maybe read some too......
    Many here will empathise and understand your pain.
    Sometimes relationships are just not meant to be, one things for certain, if you do both honestly love each other then it will happen.
    My advice? For what its worth............... Give space, the last thing your gf needs is hassle, that is not attractive to anyone.
    Try to let go a little and be the man you wish to be.................... im hoping she will miss you then, and return to find your warmth.
    I hope your Mum gets better, she will need you more than she will ever tell you.
    Concentrate on giving her this love and caring, believe me, you need to, so that you will always have peace on this matter.
    I so wish you well.
  5. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Hello, and welcome to SF.

    First of all, nobody has the right to belittle your emotions in that way. Your thoughts and feelings are as valid as anyone elses.

    Are you in the UK? If so, have you thought about contacting the Macmillan Nurses? They can provide practical help and advice for you. I lost my mum (who was my world) to cancer and long time ago. So I have been where you are now, and it sucks. BIG time. I'm not going to give you platitudes and say how sorry I am, beause that does not change how you feel or help you one jot. But I am going to say that I can relate and am happy to lend an ear should you need one.

    With regards to your girlfriend, that is tough. Long distance relationships are bloody hard work and can place huge amounts of strain on both partners. You already know that all you can do right now is keep talking and just respect her space. Maybe she just needs a little time by herself.

    With regards to your depression. You say that you have never been properly diagnosed? You really do need to get yourself to your doctors and get properly diagnosed. You might get decent help to get back into the right head space then.

    Take it easy, keep talking to us, and be kind to yourself.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to say hi, and welcome to SF!
  7. Orion4

    Orion4 Member

    Thank you everyone.

    I'm trying to give her space, we haven't talked for nearly a week. I'm hoping that she'll start to miss me and what we had. Everything I've read regarding advice says that no contact is the best route to go.

    I really just wish I had someone reassuring, upbeat, and positive to go to.
  8. Orion4

    Orion4 Member

    Well...I'm back

    Guess I'm at another one of those really low points again. I guess I should update on things if anyone cares to know or not.

    My mom passed away on May 14th. It hits me harder than I can handle at times. I haven't been anything close to alright since. It's ridiculous.

    At one point my ex and I got close again, especially after my mom died. I thought things would be okay for once. I had her support for a while, then she pulled away and told me she had a boyfriend. It hurts, feels like someone is twisting a knife in me.

    So, now I'm lost. I can't even make baby steps to make progress forward, because I'm don't know where the next step is. I'm feel completely alone for the first time in my life without the slightest bit of hope or faith left inside me.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2011
  9. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Hi. First I'm so sorry for your problems. As for your mother I understand you completely, I went through the same thing (my mom had cancer and we were just really close, best friends close). That alone is horrible enough, but then for your girlfriend on top of that.

    I'm always here for you to talk, if you need anything just poke me and I will reply as soon as I can.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry for your loss!! My mom isn't doing good either..I've been haveing dreams that her and my dad are both dieing and quite frankly they scare the hell out of me..I don't sleep much during the night because of the dreams..Long distant relationships are hard to manage..With out the eye contact, and the touches you can grow apart.. Thats what it sounds like to me..Best wishes to you and I hope you find your path to healing..
  11. I'm-just-me

    I'm-just-me Member

    Dude, don't listen to people who tell you to harden up and not be so emotional. I'm trying to harden myself, since being open and warm-fuzzy and caring just seems to lead to pain--but that's by my own choice: and I'm not really sure that it's a good choice, either.
  12. Orion4

    Orion4 Member

    Thanks, both of you.
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    welcome orion :)
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