Hi everyone. I'm Eric, I'm 22 years old and live in Philadelphia. I just feel significantly overwhelmed lately. My job is very high stress for minimal pay. I'm living in an apartment I can't afford, with roommates I can't stand. Funny how you think moving in with your best friends will work out... A few weeks ago my Grandmother, age 66, was diagnosed with severe lung cancer that had already spread to her brain. They subsequently found tumors on her ribs and left shoulder. My Grandfather, age 65, is a mechanical genius, a carpenter and mason, and an artist when it comes to crafts. He suffered a stroke last summer and now with the advent of my Grandmother's diagnosis I fear for his survival in the coming months. He has never cooked or cleaned a day in his life, save for microwaving leftovers and cleaning up the sawdust in his shop. I'm the oldest of 4, and looked up to as the strength for my siblings. But now I find myself becoming more and more of a bad influence at best, at worst, a joke. I'm a borderline alcoholic, I drink about 12 beers a day, not including bourbon, scotch, or any other brown liquor I can find. I smoke cigarettes at the rate of a pack and a half a day (for now). On an increasing basis over the past 3 days I've been considering suicide. This is not new for me, I've had my struggles in my teenage years with depression and suicidal thoughts and medications and therapy and whatnot, but I never thought I'd be here again. I was somewhat happy there for a time. Anyways, I'm here now.