Im kayleigh and let me just say first off, I consider myself to be a fairly good christian. Which brings me to my problem. I have been feeling suicidal since i was in my teens and I'm now 21. but being raised in a church, I have been taught that suicide is wrong and will immediately go to hell for it. My life is already hell, so I guess that wouldn't being helping me much (no pun intended). But, still, I can't help but feel out of place in life in general. I've lived in the same town my whole life and yet, no friends. I just got laid off and have had 0 success in trying to find a new job. And keep in mind, my last job was my FIRST job ever. Minus babysitting when i was young. I don't fit in socially but I also don't fit in in my family. They all have something they are good at, something to live for. I feel like when I am not in the room, they talk about me. I am the fucked-up one. I have no talents, no skills. Everything I try, I fail miserably at. They pity me and I hate it. my so-called friends treat me the same way. there are things I enjoy about life, but it just isn't enough to keep me alive anymore. What do they mean God doesn't make mistakes? Just look at me. I don't really know what kind of response i'm looking for because I am kind of contradicting myself. I'm thinking about doing it in the next three days if I can get the balls to do it.