Hello. My name is Gemma and I'm 17. I've been on chat for a while now, but this is my first post in the forums. I'm never very good at introductions, but here goes... I've had social anxiety pretty much my whole life, which has affected me in so many ways. This combined with years of bullying, and an abusive father led me to develop depression when I was about 13. Since the beginning of secondary school, things have been going very rapidly downhill for me, but the past 3 years in particular have been complete hell. I have no friends, my family don't understand me and I can't talk to them at all, my dad hates me, my sister gets quite abuse towards me at times, my mum (who I was once close to) is becoming more and more distant from me. I've been betrayed time and time again by those I thought I could trust, including "friends" who bullied me and made me feel even worse about myself. I have extremely low self esteem due to being bullied both in school and by my dad. I'm at the point now where I believe I am nothing but a completely useless waste of space. As I said before, I have trust issues. Literally every friend I've ever had has treated me like dirt and said some pretty horrible things to me. I'm at the point now where although I am so incredibly, desperately lonely, I feel it is better to be on my own, with no friends than to let people hurt me again. Anyway...I can't really be bothered going into my life right now, but there's a brief overview. The reason I joined this forum is because I have ZERO support from anyone with regard to my mental health and suicidal tendencies. I want to talk to others like me, people who actually have some UNDERSTANDING of what I'm going through, unlike everyone I've spoken to previously. I'd like to think that I'd fit in here, but the truth is, I don't fit in anywhere - I never have done. My whole life, I've searched for somewhere to belong, but it has always been in vain. I think I'd settle for helping other people out though, and I feel it is my moral obligation to do as much as I can to make the world a better place before I die.