Discussion in 'Welcome' started by RumoursOfMyDemise, May 22, 2011.

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  1. RumoursOfMyDemise

    RumoursOfMyDemise Well-Known Member

    Hello. My name is Gemma and I'm 17. I've been on chat for a while now, but this is my first post in the forums. I'm never very good at introductions, but here goes...

    I've had social anxiety pretty much my whole life, which has affected me in so many ways. This combined with years of bullying, and an abusive father led me to develop depression when I was about 13. Since the beginning of secondary school, things have been going very rapidly downhill for me, but the past 3 years in particular have been complete hell. I have no friends, my family don't understand me and I can't talk to them at all, my dad hates me, my sister gets quite abuse towards me at times, my mum (who I was once close to) is becoming more and more distant from me. I've been betrayed time and time again by those I thought I could trust, including "friends" who bullied me and made me feel even worse about myself. I have extremely low self esteem due to being bullied both in school and by my dad. I'm at the point now where I believe I am nothing but a completely useless waste of space. As I said before, I have trust issues. Literally every friend I've ever had has treated me like dirt and said some pretty horrible things to me. I'm at the point now where although I am so incredibly, desperately lonely, I feel it is better to be on my own, with no friends than to let people hurt me again.

    Anyway...I can't really be bothered going into my life right now, but there's a brief overview. The reason I joined this forum is because I have ZERO support from anyone with regard to my mental health and suicidal tendencies. I want to talk to others like me, people who actually have some UNDERSTANDING of what I'm going through, unlike everyone I've spoken to previously. I'd like to think that I'd fit in here, but the truth is, I don't fit in anywhere - I never have done. My whole life, I've searched for somewhere to belong, but it has always been in vain. I think I'd settle for helping other people out though, and I feel it is my moral obligation to do as much as I can to make the world a better place before I die.
  2. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    Hi Gemma, :welcome:
    im sorry for your treatment by your family.
    if your in need of support your in the right place, hope we can help
    PM me if you need
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi glad you are here hun lots of supportive and caring people here to talk to
    Hugs to you
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...besides recognizing that I am sure there are many ppl who can relate to what you have posted, I must comment upon how well you write and what a talent that is...please continue to post and let us know what is going on...welcome again, J
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Gemma, Welcome to the forums.. I suffer from socialphobia and agoriphobia also.. I've been in total isolation for over twenty years.. I only go out to appointments, pick up prescriptions, and the grocery store..Other than that I just stay in my bedroom.. So I can relate to you.. I'm sorry your parents aren't better understanding..Mine don't understand me but they do support me..My dad said what ever it takes to make me feel safe..Take Care!!!
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hi gemma, welcome to the forums :hug:
  7. RumoursOfMyDemise

    RumoursOfMyDemise Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the warm welcome to the forum, everyone. :) And quite a few people have said that I write well, Sadeyes, but I never really believe anyone when they compliment me. But thank you. :)

    Yeah, over the last year of so, I've became increasingly more like this too. I don't really leave my bedroom much or talk to anyone. I do really enjoy going for a walk or going cycling, but sometimes I do feel anxious leaving the house. Although with me, it's only really if I know I'm going somewhere where there will be a lot of people. I think if I could overcome my social anxiety, my life would be much happier, but I've tried so many times, and I only seem to get worse as time goes on. :( I don't know...maybe things will get better when I start uni, but I doubt it. I'd like to have some positivity but...

    Anyway, while I'm part of SF, I look forward to helping others, and hopefully being helped myself. I have been on chat a few times, and most people here seem understanding, so that's a good start at least. :)
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