So...I really don't know what to say. Sorry if I ramble, since I tend too when I don't know what to say... Anyways I've been suffering with Depression since I was like 16. For a year I got treatment, but then with my dad constantly talking about "how much it cost for the therapy sessions" and "are these meds even doing anything at all for you, can't you fix yourself." I forced myself off of the meds and away from therapy. I learned how to ignore and pretend to not be depressed. Found ways to lie when I found it impossible to get out of bed. But now that I live away from home I'm finding it harder and harder to hide the depression that just overfills me. I'm also going through such fast highs and lows- have ended up in debt from when I'm feeling good and going out shopping (or have almost planned to move to another country). Off and on I find myself thinking of just ending it all, about how much easier it would be just to not have to live in this life anymore. Especially when I end up sitting alone at home wishing I could do something more. So I'm...happy...that I can at least have a place to talk since my family and friends don't seem to understand, or try to one up me.
Hi and welcome to sf xx did your therapist never mention bipolar disorder to you ? It sounds like thats what your experiencing from what you are saying. If that is the case no amount of pretending will fix it you will need medication xx
At the time she had just diagnosed me with Major depression and anxiety. However the ups and downs didn't come until a couple years later, about when I was 19 was when that started. And now it's gotten worse. Though my mom pretty much joked that I was manic depressed with how I would go from hyper-happy to unable to climb outta bed... Sadly I can't think about meds until my insurance goes through...hopefully work does it right this time.
