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#1
Hello

This not the first time I have had suicidal thoughts. But this is the first time where I know I wil actually follow through. I'm in a lot of trouble and I have not told anyone my problem due to embarrassment. For the last few weeks I have been receiving abuse n threats. I owe someone money and I can't pay it back. I have until mon to pay. Also as well I have until wed to get my rent money up. I'm a 27yr old female. I have no other option, the thought of death sends a relief to me but then I know when i die the burden will go to my family,which is what makes it hard. I have no care for my life but I know my death will destroy my family! I have a lot of problems in my life- and I live lie. Everyone tinks I'm happy go lucky but instead I suffer from depression. I'm thinking of taking my life today. I say it so calm, I feel my time is up! I'm worthless. I deserve everything I get. I don't why I'm here- I'm lonely n scared. As I write this I'm crying uncontrollably becos I know I'm gonna do it. I jus wish someone could shield my family from the pain I'm about to cause.
 
#3
I wish my body is never found,but it will becos infortuantely I don't have a choice! I don't want to put financial stress on my parents in having to fly my body back to europe. I'm in miami right now. My last hours I'm gonna sit on the beach in my prettiest dress I have out here n for the last time appreciate this world for what it is. I don't want to die but I have no choice..... I'm not gonna do it were I live becos I have a room mate n that will freak her. So my choice is on the beach! I've decided I'm goin to take an overdose of pills and alcohol. Unfortuantely I have to steal people pills because I don't have any of my own. Typical worthless bitch I am.
 

LoveBeing

Well-Known Member
#4
Can you talk to the person whom you owe money to? What would he/she do if you can’t pay back by Monday? He/she just wants the money back. You can tell him/her that you will try and get a job if you don’t have one. You will do your best to pay the money back…

Maybe you can also consider to declare bankruptcy…?

Can you move to live with your family for a while?

You are crying uncontrollably because you do not really want to die. You may be overwhelmed now and there seems to be no way out, but you have what it takes to get through tough situations like this. You love your family. You can be strong and get through this for your family, too…

Please do not hurt yourself…stay safe…be strong…
 
#6
Love being I appreciate your words. The person I owe money to will go to my parents house and attack them. He will pay someone to do it. He even sent me my parents address to assure me he was serious. No I don't want to die but I have no choice. I'm illegally in america, I have no rights I have 450dollers to my name. That's it. I went w/ out food yesterday. The 450dollers I'm keepin to contrubute to my funeral costs. I have written my letter to my family, I have chosen the person who will break the news to them. I'm ready- I jus need to do it! Tonite is the nite. I will look pretty. This is not a cry for help
 

NiceGuYKC

Well-Known Member
#8
You must go to the police, you have to get their help. THEY WILL HELP YOU!.
If I could I'd go over there with a few friends and help you, but I'm in Ireland.
You can't let people threaten you like that.
If your lucky, the police might shoot those bastards.
 

windlepoons

Well-Known Member
#9
I assume then hes an illegal money lender? There are people you can talk to, starting with the police.

Not wanting to cause trouble - its not you causing it its this criminal. You deserve help.
 
#10
niceguy and windlepoons: there is nothing that can be done. anything else will escalate the situation more. i have done everything degrading as possible to get the money. im offcially scum
 

LoveBeing

Well-Known Member
#11
Is it $4,000 you owe him? Call your family, hon - they will help you no matter what. You are worth much more than that…actually your life is priceless…

No matter what you did in the past, I feel you have a beautiful heart. I really do. You did what you did at the time under those conditions. In your consciousness, you are aware that you would not do it if you had better choices…

Why would you be concerned about “looking pretty” and your funeral? I’m asking as I want you to see that your living and present moment is real and precious. “Looking pretty” is just a thought or projection of other people’s thought, which is superficial, no real value…

Remember you do not really want to die. Spend the money left to take care of yourself and do what you can at this moment. Call your family for help. Tell them about the whole situation. They can book a ticket online in your name and you can go to the airport directly to get the ticket and fly back home…

You do have choices…
 
#12
i grew up in house hold of domestic violence and lack of funds. i moved to better my life my life but instead have brought trouble to my parents doorstep. i have always suffered from depression. my father has taken great joy out of making me beg for money in the past. unfortunately i dont have a choice. i will use my life as payment. i have written a letter... i will contribute 450dollers to my funeral costs. guys i dont want to die, the man i owe money to will attack my family. but when he finds out im dead it will be over. for me that is a relief n worth it
 

Constantinos

Well-Known Member
#13
i grew up in house hold of domestic violence and lack of funds. i moved to better my life my life but instead have brought trouble to my parents doorstep. i have always suffered from depression. my father has taken great joy out of making me beg for money in the past. unfortunately i dont have a choice. i will use my life as payment. i have written a letter... i will contribute 450dollers to my funeral costs. guys i dont want to die, the man i owe money to will attack my family. but when he finds out im dead it will be over. for me that is a relief n worth it
Hello,

Using life as payment is not a choice, solutions exist for everything.

What is the amount you owe him? Also what is the reason you owe him this amount? did he do some work for you?
 
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