hi

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by worthless84, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    Hello

    This not the first time I have had suicidal thoughts. But this is the first time where I know I wil actually follow through. I'm in a lot of trouble and I have not told anyone my problem due to embarrassment. For the last few weeks I have been receiving abuse n threats. I owe someone money and I can't pay it back. I have until mon to pay. Also as well I have until wed to get my rent money up. I'm a 27yr old female. I have no other option, the thought of death sends a relief to me but then I know when i die the burden will go to my family,which is what makes it hard. I have no care for my life but I know my death will destroy my family! I have a lot of problems in my life- and I live lie. Everyone tinks I'm happy go lucky but instead I suffer from depression. I'm thinking of taking my life today. I say it so calm, I feel my time is up! I'm worthless. I deserve everything I get. I don't why I'm here- I'm lonely n scared. As I write this I'm crying uncontrollably becos I know I'm gonna do it. I jus wish someone could shield my family from the pain I'm about to cause.
     
  2. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    Mentally I'm ready!
     
  3. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    I wish my body is never found,but it will becos infortuantely I don't have a choice! I don't want to put financial stress on my parents in having to fly my body back to europe. I'm in miami right now. My last hours I'm gonna sit on the beach in my prettiest dress I have out here n for the last time appreciate this world for what it is. I don't want to die but I have no choice..... I'm not gonna do it were I live becos I have a room mate n that will freak her. So my choice is on the beach! I've decided I'm goin to take an overdose of pills and alcohol. Unfortuantely I have to steal people pills because I don't have any of my own. Typical worthless bitch I am.
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Can you talk to the person whom you owe money to? What would he/she do if you can’t pay back by Monday? He/she just wants the money back. You can tell him/her that you will try and get a job if you don’t have one. You will do your best to pay the money back…

    Maybe you can also consider to declare bankruptcy…?

    Can you move to live with your family for a while?

    You are crying uncontrollably because you do not really want to die. You may be overwhelmed now and there seems to be no way out, but you have what it takes to get through tough situations like this. You love your family. You can be strong and get through this for your family, too…

    Please do not hurt yourself…stay safe…be strong…
     
  5. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    If someone is threatening you, you should contact the police. Thats their job and they'll get you the help you need.
     
  6. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    Love being I appreciate your words. The person I owe money to will go to my parents house and attack them. He will pay someone to do it. He even sent me my parents address to assure me he was serious. No I don't want to die but I have no choice. I'm illegally in america, I have no rights I have 450dollers to my name. That's it. I went w/ out food yesterday. The 450dollers I'm keepin to contrubute to my funeral costs. I have written my letter to my family, I have chosen the person who will break the news to them. I'm ready- I jus need to do it! Tonite is the nite. I will look pretty. This is not a cry for help
     
  7. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    I don't want police involved I have caused enuf trouble-
     
  8. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    You must go to the police, you have to get their help. THEY WILL HELP YOU!.
    If I could I'd go over there with a few friends and help you, but I'm in Ireland.
    You can't let people threaten you like that.
    If your lucky, the police might shoot those bastards.
     
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I assume then hes an illegal money lender? There are people you can talk to, starting with the police.

    Not wanting to cause trouble - its not you causing it its this criminal. You deserve help.
     
  10. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    niceguy and windlepoons: there is nothing that can be done. anything else will escalate the situation more. i have done everything degrading as possible to get the money. im offcially scum
     
  11. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Is it $4,000 you owe him? Call your family, hon - they will help you no matter what. You are worth much more than that…actually your life is priceless…

    No matter what you did in the past, I feel you have a beautiful heart. I really do. You did what you did at the time under those conditions. In your consciousness, you are aware that you would not do it if you had better choices…

    Why would you be concerned about “looking pretty” and your funeral? I’m asking as I want you to see that your living and present moment is real and precious. “Looking pretty” is just a thought or projection of other people’s thought, which is superficial, no real value…

    Remember you do not really want to die. Spend the money left to take care of yourself and do what you can at this moment. Call your family for help. Tell them about the whole situation. They can book a ticket online in your name and you can go to the airport directly to get the ticket and fly back home…

    You do have choices…
     
  12. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    i grew up in house hold of domestic violence and lack of funds. i moved to better my life my life but instead have brought trouble to my parents doorstep. i have always suffered from depression. my father has taken great joy out of making me beg for money in the past. unfortunately i dont have a choice. i will use my life as payment. i have written a letter... i will contribute 450dollers to my funeral costs. guys i dont want to die, the man i owe money to will attack my family. but when he finds out im dead it will be over. for me that is a relief n worth it
     
  13. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    Using life as payment is not a choice, solutions exist for everything.

    What is the amount you owe him? Also what is the reason you owe him this amount? did he do some work for you?
     
  14. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    Today is Friday.

    No i didnt do anywork for him. I borrowed it. it was originally 5,500. i only managed to pay back 1,500.
     
  15. Silverpuddle

    Silverpuddle SF Author

    You have a green dot next to your name, so I think you may be on . . . how are you? Are you okay?
     
  16. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    Yea I'm here- its connected to my fone. I'm calm
     
  17. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    Saturday! No Change in situation or Status
     
  18. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    When you initially borrowed these funds from him did you have a deadline to pay this back?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 17, 2011
  19. worthless84

    worthless84 Account Closed

    yes I did..... I fell behind on payments. I'm ok with everything now! I Leave tonite
     
  20. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Please go to the police. No loan shark is worth killing yourself over! X
     
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