Hi hun i am sorry you are suffering so can you tell us more of what brought you here hun. I do hope you call your doctor hun let know how you are feeling and get some help NOW okay before you get to much deeper in darkness.
Lots of caring people here hun so keep reaching out okay hugs
Thank you all for the truely kind words. I have been seeing a physiotherapist since I was 13-14 but they are going to be reviewing how much progress i'm making and if I still need to see them - whether that be if they think they can't help me anymore or if I don't need to see them anymore.
I guess the suicidal thoughts got worse when I was admitted to an inpatient treatment centre for my eating disorder for 6 months (January to June of this year). I also had to sit my exams there which now that I think about it did through me deeper into my depression because all I could think about was that I wouldn't/couldn't do as well on them than if I had been in school.
And when I got to come home for good all I could think about was that even though I may have put on weight none of my thoughts had gone away which somehow in my head makes me a failure. And now it seems as through all I have been thinking/imagining about is commiting suicide. I desperatly want to tell my family/therapist but I have never been the type of person who shows people when when i'm upset, I guess I have always been the person other people come to for help.
Your not a failure.. You just have some problems..I've been suicidal for 41 years.. Not all at the same time.. When I use to get high they went away for some years.. Now for the lkast 20 years they are back because I quit smoking pot.. What I do is face them everymorning and tell myself no yu won;t have me..It works most of the time..Positive self talk works.. You just need to beleive it..PM me if yiu want to talk.. Take care..