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Hi! :)

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Massive rant, you might laugh or find it boring, no problem with that though :)

Well, I'm 17 years old and I live in Australia. I have always been the emotional type but in recent months it has accelerated.

I am content, but dissatisfied with everything.

I'm 18 in exactly 7 weeks. It will be nice, kind of independent and get to go out (I love to party)... but that's like really old, wow, in 12 years I will be 30... that's ancient!

Moving on, My mum died at the end of June... she was an alcoholic and got cirrhosis of the liver 2 years ago, but then she got a tumour on her bile duct and it spread to her pancreas and she died a few months ago, I'm in one of happy denial type moods at the moment so I won't go into too much detail.

My dad is a moron. Exactly that. It's not like he's abusive or anything, but he's an idiot on so many levels. His career has always been his top priority... he's never home, he is away 3 weeks of the month on business and home for 1. He's cool when I talk to him on the phone as we relate with politics, legal stuff, economics but I CANNOT stand him irl. He's a control freak. He's got a really disgusting obsession with money. He doesn't give me a single cent, I work in a supermarket, we live in your average type house and average type car (well he did buy my brother and I a car and pays for registration and insurance, but it's like a silver granny car and not an audi). It's not fair.

Apart from that, my mum spent soo much money, she had 290 pairs of shoes (we counted them after she passed away), her wardrobe is massive (I go through he clothes for her smell)... anyway my dad registered for a dating site 3 weeks after she died. 3 weeks wtf... to me this was a massive slap in the face, it was disrespectful and unloving on.. ceiling levels -- according to my sister (she's much older than me).. my mum was a motivated and hard working independent woman, but then she met my dad and then me and my brother came and she couldn't get out, she got depression and couldn't leave because she would have no money and couldn't support us and she was an alcoholic... but he never gave her any money back then, anyway as she got divorce papers a few years ago and was ready to move out and take me and my brother with her, dad started giving her proper money but her liver and alcoholicism still went on....... but she's gone now

I don't want to mention anything to my dad regarding this new chick (she is a gold digger) because I'm 100% sure he'd cut me off, take away car and not pay my rent next year... so it's just like that.

My dad and I have an interesting relationship. He's not actually like a dad, he's just this person who comes into my house and pays everything really. I don't know, maybe someone knows what I mean lol. My mum was like my sole #1 person to go to for EVERYTHING, she meant more to me than all of my friends, but I don't want to get into that right now otherwise I'll go downhill. It's like, he can't tell me to do anything or like that, nor can I rely on him for anything... it's really hard to explain...

I don't have many friends, well like ones that know me inside out and go to for everything... I belong to a social group type thing, hard to explain.

I cry/have breakdowns maybe 5-6 times per week, mainly at night time or when no-one is home (my brother works too).... like I go into the master bedroom, close my eyes and just see that image of my mum who was happy, alive, bed-ridden and then I open my eyes and it's a blank, empty bedroom, bed made perfectly, pillows in wrong order, like that

I don't know where I'm going. I want to be wealthy and happy. I'm scared of being unsuccessful and unhappy. I describe myself as childish but mature, it's weird. I'm trying to learn French and I want to travel to Europe and Nth+Sth America and I would like to work in the I.T.. I'm in my last year of high school (last day is next week) and I plan to go to University next year.

It's just like that, I've only just registered for SF and that's my story.. I hope SF will help me sometimes when I have breakdowns, thanks for reading :)


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I would like to work in the I.T
Oh hai thar, you and I should get on just fine in that case. What field, programmer, developer, web design, Networking, Security, WHAT? Pro tip: learn linux ASAP! You are Australian, you beat us in the world cup THE REF WAS AN IDIOT REMATCH!! cheers for now
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