Discussion in 'Welcome' started by goebbels, Jan 12, 2012.

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  1. goebbels

    goebbels New Member

    Hello all who seek relief from life.
    I'm 19 years old from Georgia(situated near Russian Federation).I've suicidal thoughts about for 2 years. Reasons why i thought about suicide,are much.
    I had bad childhood,in kindergarten i was bullying,in school also being bullying. Conflicts in my family,almost everyday. Now i'm in university and past life influences on me,i can't change,can't smile,can't be happy and can't even pretend to others that i'm well.When i passed exams well to take place in university i thought that everything will be well.First 2 week in university started well. seemed everything was going well,but the more day passed the more i becoming so depressed.
    Sometimes, when i close my eyes i see facts when i was bullying and it is eating me internally.At university i'm so badly,i can't concentration,can't think clearly,every second i think about suicide.Now i have problems in university,at home and so on.I forget to tell you i have speech disorder called stuttering, this is main reason why i think about suicide.This disorder influences on me so much,sometimes i cry why i have in this state,what i did,why i deserved it. such thoughts are around my head.

    I saw videos on about suicide and there people saying that person need help from his parents and from his friends.My parents are both deaf-mute and there are other reasons why they can't help me. Friends - i can't told them, despite whole school life spend with them, they can't understand me.
    I don't know what to do.

    God... i don't know how to express all my pains :apologetic:

    Feel alone,stutterer,guy who can't make normal conversation with people,imbecile. just mistake of nature.

    Sorry for my English,it isn't my native language.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...because your parents are deaf-mutes and I presume you are hearing, you have had to take so much responsiblity for them to be in the world...that places such a stress on a child...regarding being bullied...the ones that did that to you are the ones that are/were impaired and I am so sorry you have internalized this as your fault...things do not change through magic, that is why after several weeks at uni you did not feel all better...and about your speech disorder...that is so difficult, but again not your fault...have you been treated either for that or for how you are feeling about yourself? I have a lot of experience in the understanding of stuttering (I will be more specific if you wish to PM me) and I am available to help if I can...you can feel so proud how you have cared for your parents, what you have done to be in uni and who you are...I am glad you are here so by no means are you a mistake of nature...also, your English is rather good...best regards and welcome again
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi goebbels.. welcome to SF... we take you just as you come.. no judging, or putting down or such.. glad to have you with us now.. tc, Jim
  4. goebbels

    goebbels New Member

    Thank you
    any help from other will be useful.
    i'll pm you.
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi there! :)

    I think you write in English quite well, especially considering you are a non-native speaker! Anyways, I hope you have those around you who are helping you make your life more manageable, and I am so sorry you are going through such difficulties at your university....please know that we will not tolerate any bullying here whatsoever. Like Jimk and Sadeyes, I would be glad to field any questions you may have about navigating this website....take care, and good luck with everything. :hug:

  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. :hug:
  7. goebbels

    goebbels New Member

    thnx :(
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