I'm a cretin, not fit for this world. I'm an addict, currently in relapse. I act only on impulse, the only reason I'm here. Years ago, while in an intoxicated state and wanting sleep, I took a few pills. Still failing to sleep I took a few more. After what seemed like an eternity of sleeplessness and out of frustration I took down the entire bottle of pills. Well, after 3 days of sleep, to my dismay, I was still alive. God I was pissed. WTF!!! That was suppose to kill me! <mod edit: texaskitty - method>. The sole reason for its purchase. I'm held back by depression, anxiety and what I believe is not yet diagnosed. As I said I'm an addict. When I finally realized my enslavement to the drink, I voluntarily received treatment. This was good. To be free of alcohol. Sadly this didn't stop the delusional thoughts and paranoia. These thoughts increased with additional human interaction that accompanied the treatment process. So in the end, this human interaction was sabotaged by yours truly and ended. So after at least a year of sobriety I thought it would take using again to build up the courage to end this. Instead here I am. A cretin, a recluse, not worthy of being in this cruel albeit opportunist world. I hate it. Just need to courage. Oh I suppose I need the ability to care less about the people around me. This has been used many times to postpone what I believe is inevitable. Without the drink I would not be able to write that above so therefore I should not be welcomed. Just a drifter.