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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by belt, Feb 8, 2012.

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  1. belt

    belt New Member

    I'm a cretin, not fit for this world. I'm an addict, currently in relapse. I act only on impulse, the only reason I'm here.

    Years ago, while in an intoxicated state and wanting sleep, I took a few pills. Still failing to sleep I took a few more. After what seemed like an eternity of sleeplessness and out of frustration I took down the entire bottle of pills. Well, after 3 days of sleep, to my dismay, I was still alive. God I was pissed. WTF!!! That was suppose to kill me! <mod edit: texaskitty - method>. The sole reason for its purchase. I'm held back by depression, anxiety and what I believe is not yet diagnosed.

    As I said I'm an addict. When I finally realized my enslavement to the drink, I voluntarily received treatment. This was good. To be free of alcohol. Sadly this didn't stop the delusional thoughts and paranoia. These thoughts increased with additional human interaction that accompanied the treatment process. So in the end, this human interaction was sabotaged by yours truly and ended.

    So after at least a year of sobriety I thought it would take using again to build up the courage to end this. Instead here I am. A cretin, a recluse, not worthy of being in this cruel albeit opportunist world. I hate it. Just need to courage. Oh I suppose I need the ability to care less about the people around me. This has been used many times to postpone what I believe is inevitable.

    Without the drink I would not be able to write that above so therefore I should not be welcomed.

    Just a drifter.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do not have to be a drifter anymore hun You can stay here keep talking keep reaching out okay. You beat the alcohol once you can again You need to get back to your doctor and start up on meds for your delusions start up the fight again hun to get you well It Can be done okay Glad you are writing here hun please do something for YOU today call and get some help hugs
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. :)
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums.. You need to get rid of that gun.. Thats what I had to do..
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