Hi

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by LetMeBe, Feb 19, 2012.

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  1. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    Hi. I joined today because I'm having invading suicidal thoughts that won't go away. I know they're due to the stress I'm under, and feeling like there's no escape/solution from/to my situation. I suffer from PTSD, and have been going through homelessness for the past 2 years due to poverty. I've been trying to work with the system on getting housing, only to discover that (just as I was ready to receive housing) there were no more low-income vouchers available due to the economy. I've been struggling back and forth trying to live with roommates, to no avail, and to the loss of everything I own, until I'm terrified to consider it again. People are crazy! Currently I'm trying to get out of a roommate situation with a woman who has mental health issues, and terrified of the blow-out that's going to occur. I have a lot of guilt for leaving her, as well, to fend for herself, and I also don't want to lose my friend. Due to the stress I've been under, thoughts of just killing myself and getting it over with are waking me up in the morning, and putting me to sleep at night. I can't think straight because my brain runs scenarios around all day long about how to get out of my current situation in the least difficult way possible, and how to fix my homelessness in an impossible economy where more and more people are becoming homeless, and where the government is taking more and more from the agencies who can help; where housing has become impossibly expensive compared to an income on disability. My dog keeps me going - he's my responsibility, and the only "person" I have who loves me unconditionally. I read about an actor who killed himself when he was going to become homeless, again, because he had a pit bull dog, and had to put it down. I cried, and I understood. I'm currently at my brother's house, but much as I love him we can't live together, and 10 days has been 10 years for us both. Plus he's not supposed to have dogs here, and I shouldn't be here. I don't want to put him in danger from his landlord. My only other option is returning to my apartment with my roommate, who is very needy and likes to play "one-up-manship" with disabilities (re: I have a hurt back, so she has to see my hurt back and raise me three other illnesses - it's all about her! - I finally folded). At any rate, my brain is so full and I'm so overwhelmed that now I have the suicidal thoughts back, and I just kind of need somewhere to vent, and possibly some ideas on how to handle this.

    tl;dr - Hi. Going crazy. Too much shit happening. Overwhelmed. Venting. Looking for solutions.
     
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    HI LetMeBe.. welcome to Suicide Forums.. do not have the fix for your houseing and money issues at this time.. are you on SSA disablity or any other government help now??? hard to get on if not on yet cause states and feds are virtually broke but lots of programs there.. tough situation with the roommate and not gettting brother evicted.. maybe others will have some ideas for yoiu.

    is perfectly ok to let it all out on here. lots of others have done the same things and hardships and even better some have found a workable solution.. glad to have you with us now.. tc, Jim
     
  3. LetMeBe

    LetMeBe Active Member

    Hi, Jim. I'm not looking for a solution for the money - I get SSI for my PTSD. And there isn't much that can be done about housing, except what I am (and have been) doing. Mostly, I'm just perusing forums and looking for answers on how to handle my depression/anxiety, the thoughts inundating me, and perhaps figure out a better way to deal with leaving my roommate without (or with as little as possible) drama. I get a real sense of dread about going back, and confronting her. So I look forward to more reading, and perhaps ideas.

    Thank you for your welcome. :)
     
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