Hi :)

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Ellie Grey, Sep 2, 2012.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    Hi. My name is Ellie
    I am suicidal, and I have been so for many years. I am a self harmer, and I am slowly working through this
    I also have an anxiety disorder, and I am slowly working through that too. I am slowly getting better but I still struggle.
    I lost someone when I was 12 years old to murder, and the anniversary of that persons death a man collapsed, I rolled him over, and he died whilst looking at me, blood everywhere. His eyes were so alike the person whom I lost to murder, and it was their 1 year anniversary.
    I have had a few suicidal attempts that were actual attempts. The first main one was at 11 years old and I was thought not to be old enough to fully understand what I was going, I understood enough to make that decision. I had a blood test said I was fine.
    I had another one where I got so panic stricken and depressed over my only friend being put into hospital for the safety of themselves I blanked out, waking to see myself cutting, I found out I had been out for 40 minutes, I barely remember anything about that, it was not an attempt but it was a serious thing. My arm was bandaged and I was fine.
    The second attempt I was put into hospital overnight. Another blood test ruled out that there was nothing wrong with me. After that I realized that I needed to get better. A mental clinic said that there was nothing they could do for me, even though I had a history of OD and self harm. It made no difference in the end, I decided I would help myself alone, I have gotten through many things, but when I spend much time alone these feelings resurface.
    I am still struggling but I believe I am strong enough to overcome this, and I will. I am a good listener to anyone who needs it and sometimes I can even offer support and advice. But it would also be nice if someone could support me or give advice too.
    I was referred here from a different forum. I thank anyone who reads this and replies. It is rather long.
     
  2. paul1990

    paul1990 Active Member

    Hello Ellie and welcome,

    I must say I admire your willingness to live after all you´ve experienced. My life experiences ain´t not even close as bad as yours, and still I show much lesser lust for life than you. I guess you still got something to live for, something to overcame your problems, something to make improvement on things for you. There must be something what drives you, motivates you and just out of curiosity I´d like to know, what that is.

    Paul
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WElcome to SF hun im glad you found us Lots of caring people here hun. Can you not talk to your doctor to get a referral for some therapy. We are here anytime you need to talk ok you can reach out here and we will try to support you the best we can hugs
     
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Hi Ellie,

    If you want someone to be a listener and sounding post I'm only a PM away - and that goes for anyone else reading this.

    C
     
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