hiding behind a turtle shell is safe but lonely. a good bargain?

[elephant]

hi guys,
i'm new to this forum. i wanted to start my first post on a high note, something cute and chirpy, pretend everything's alright. but its not. sorry for the moaning entry, i thought i'd like to keep it honest.

i guess i've never thought of myself as suffering from depression.. most days i just tell myself it's hormones or i'm just too emotional and brush it off.
but then again, the feelings just creep in.. building and growing and eating me up from inside.

if I died noone would really care. all i do is get into trouble and making other people dissapointed/upset in me. i want to blame it on the demeaning boyfriend calling me fat and ugly, or the schoolmates who avoid me and pair up in groups thus immediately leaving me standing alone in the middle of the classroom ( i thought it only happens in the movies!!!!)

but no, i realise that there MUST be something wrong with me. although i can't figure it out now. it must be my fault somehow. maybe if i just went away.. everyone else would be happier

 

[taond1986]

Hi elephant, nice to meet you, I will introduce myself with my screen name of taond1986. I know exactly how you feel, but here people do care (clichéd I know but true).

I feel that I can’t do anything right and its all my fault. So we can talk and help each other though this.

By the way you say your boyfriend is calling you fat and ugly, don’t put up with it. I highly doubt you are either fat or ugly.

I am the same; everyone joins their groups and I’m left alone. I am shy and guess you might be as well. If you are it can hold you back, there are ways to get over it but it isn’t easy.

I hope I will be able to provide some sort of help for you. Hang in there.

Taond1986

 

[Acy]

Hiya, ele.

I'm so sorry you're being singled out and isolated like that. And having your bf say unkind things is hard too. Lots of people here can relate to your situation, including me.

It is NOT you or anything you've done or said (or not done/not said). It's totally understandable that you're hurting and feel like hiding. (I'm glad you've come to SF and are sharing here.)

Please don't let other people have a "deadly" effect on you. You are worth more than what those people do and say. Please stay safe.

PM me any time if you want to vent.