Hiding in the shadows

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by planechaser, Mar 18, 2010.

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  1. planechaser

    planechaser Well-Known Member

    Ive been trying to stay off of peoples radar lately. If I drink I dont tell anyone, or use, or even what im thinking. I think my therapist would freak if she knew what was going on in my head. Things had started to get better for me the last couple of months. Not having a job or being in school is starting to catch up to me. I dont want to continue turning down the option of using or drinking anymore. When I wake up in the morning, I have to ask myself what it is im waking up for. Starting to scare myself with the option of suicide. But yet im kind of okay with that option. It hit me yesterday that Im making really huge decisions without even thinking about it. Closing my services. Thinking of selling all that I own and travelling on whatever money I recieve from it. I'd like to be able to go out and find myself but what if I dont find anything out? Im not sure what direction my life is going in. Im feeling very lost and not sure what I should do about it
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Firstly, so sorry things are so rough...Secondly, tell your therapist; she can only treat the parts of you she has met...you deserve to feel better...J
     
  3. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    if my head were not so trashed at the moment, i might have something useful to say. ugh. sorry.

    Anyway i've known many people, and i myself have done it a couple times,...to just take off and travel or to take off with a plan...move somewhere that appeals to you and try it out. I traveled for about three years. was interesting. wasn't all peachy but i would not trade the experience. Another time i moved to start a new life i suppose....kind of do what i wanted to do. it worked out well.

    you know, it can also be a diversion. I'd suggest it.

    Anyway, sorry i cannot be more helpful, my brain just is not working.

    Could try talking things out here.

    **hugs**
     
  4. planechaser

    planechaser Well-Known Member

    Dont get me wrong, I do want to tell her, but time is fragile right now and any false moves could screw things up even more. Im working on getting rid of my case manager and Im afraid if I say anything before that, then she will find means to keep my case open. I just really want close my case, sell everything I own, and travel. Maybe find a new place to settle down. I guess that could also be seen as running away from my problems. Mostly Im confused with myself and not quite sure where I want my life to go. Feeling like a pathetic loser because I havent gone anywhere with my life and fail at so many things I attempt. In need of direction and a good friend
     
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