hiding self-harm marks and other ramblings

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Cariad_Bach, Apr 20, 2012.

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  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    I very nearly did it last night. I don't think I even really realised or appreciated how low I was, or how close I was to doing it, because I got together what I needed and planned it on a sort of auto-pilot.

    Then I was interrupted; my mother came to visit. So I didn't do it, and I knew I couldn't do it because she had reminded me of all the things that tie me to this world and the moment passed.

    So, instead, I self-harmed. I almost always do it on my hands and arms, and I always regret it because of the difficulty of covering them up. Even if I try to place them strategically, so as to fall under a bracelet or watch, or in a crease where it won't show, I'm scared that someone will see them.

    Now I can't make it heal instantly, and its inconvenient to try to hide them. And I Know that when I go to see my boyfriend he will see them if I don't do something. So far I've thought of elbow-length gloves that I just refuse to take off (possibly playing it off as erotic, but probably failing miserably) or a bandage (good old 'sprained wrist time')

    What do people think? If he sees them... What will he think of me? I've already proved myself to be capricious and unstable, and it seems the more I try to keep my crazyness away from him, the more I act out and mess him around, and that just winds me up even more.

    I feel like if I were advising someone, I would probably encourage them to be really honest with Him. But for myself, I don't know whether I trust him to stick around if I let him see just how messed up I am. And how can I tell him that at 26 I'm still using the same self-destructive coping mechanisms that I was using 10 years ago?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    IF he cares truly about you he will help you get some support you need to stop If he leaves then he never truly cared
  3. ImAllAlone

    ImAllAlone Member

    Just tell him about it and hopefull he will understand. My bestfriend knows that I do and so does he and thats something we connect over.
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