hiding under a blanket

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alison, May 5, 2010.

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  1. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do, and I can't understand what's wrong. Everything is just shit. School stuff is shit. I am stupid and lazy and incurring all sorts of loans that will be left with my parents once I inevitably kick the bucket. Friend stuff is crap too, I'm confused and scared of all other people. They're nice to me, but I'm so paranoid -- they all secretly hate me and are talking behind my back about how stupid/ugly/fat/terrible I am. Simple statements like "you look cute today!" translate in my head to "God you're so disgusting, I pity you, I should say something nice to you so you dont feel bad", and questions like "how is school going?" translate into "I knew you would fail at grad school, who are you kidding? Tell me the gory details... I want to see you fail!!!"

    I have all thsi school work to do, like immediately, and I need to figure out how I'm going to finish my degree asap. But all I can do is hide under a blanket and pretend nothing exists. I don't know if part of me thinks it'll work, just to hide.. life just feels so not real. Like I'm just stuck in a weird thought pattern that keeps repeating over and over and i can't break out of it.

    i dont know what i'm asking or why i'm posting. anyone else ever feel suspicious that life and people either aren't real or are tricking you???
  2. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    the school stuff is almost exactly how i feel right now, but im getting my bachelors and have to now apply to. so i get you there, so if it helps, you're not alone.
  3. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    thanks Coly. Good luck with your bachelors :hug:

    I just hate feeling so suspicious/paranoid. it makes it so much harder to want to try to live, when you feel like everyone is tricking you. idk
  4. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i see how that makes sense, what you need to do is decide to squash all those people if/when you do that you'll succeed and get rid of those people too
  5. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    i now how you feel... same situation, but might be too late... :mellow:
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I like hiding in my room, it is warm and safe... even if it does cause my cats to destroy the carpet. Trust is a very hard thing to give. However, once you give it things can feel a little less stressful. Or at least I think so.
  7. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    hon, i get a lot, if not all of what youre saying. im at uni like coly, getting my bachelor's, and things are just really shitty. tons of stuff to do, and i just cant see how to do it. and i also get what youre saying, being paranoid. there are some people at school who will say they care, say they love you, and they really dont. and that only ever contributes to my suspicion that everyone is lying, everyone hates me and is really just pretending otherwise.
    :hug: i know its hard, alison. hang in there, though, youve come so far!
  8. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    thanks :hug: i dont even know whats going on, i just feel like a mess.
  9. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are having it so badly. If you ever want to talk privately you can PM or email me.
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