I don't know what to do, and I can't understand what's wrong. Everything is just shit. School stuff is shit. I am stupid and lazy and incurring all sorts of loans that will be left with my parents once I inevitably kick the bucket. Friend stuff is crap too, I'm confused and scared of all other people. They're nice to me, but I'm so paranoid -- they all secretly hate me and are talking behind my back about how stupid/ugly/fat/terrible I am. Simple statements like "you look cute today!" translate in my head to "God you're so disgusting, I pity you, I should say something nice to you so you dont feel bad", and questions like "how is school going?" translate into "I knew you would fail at grad school, who are you kidding? Tell me the gory details... I want to see you fail!!!" I have all thsi school work to do, like immediately, and I need to figure out how I'm going to finish my degree asap. But all I can do is hide under a blanket and pretend nothing exists. I don't know if part of me thinks it'll work, just to hide.. life just feels so not real. Like I'm just stuck in a weird thought pattern that keeps repeating over and over and i can't break out of it. i dont know what i'm asking or why i'm posting. anyone else ever feel suspicious that life and people either aren't real or are tricking you???