High Horse Riders

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by AlexiMarie7, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    Do those who ride their high horses and tell you that you should "just do it" basically, actually mean you well in any sincere way? Or are they just feeding and bolstering their own ego, perhaps having triumphed in their own battle and so now instead of learning compassion, they lean towards condescension: I have done it so it can be done and you can do, so just do it! No excuses, just do it!
    It is said that humans are strange in that they have ego about all their knowledge, but no knowledge of their ego.

    Do they think this actually helps? Like I saw a quote saying it is hard work losing weight, and calling someone fat doesn't make it any easier.

    Obviously every person is different, not because you did something means I can or even should or because you firmly believe this means I should too . I apply this with a broad brush to zealots of any kind: be it weight loss, successful mental health treatment, atheists, religious fanatics.

    And look around even this site, so many are drugged up to the hilt and for many years even and are still actively or regularly suicidal but they are trying. At the end of the day, what can you really do apart from your best? And your best will vary. You will not always run a 100m in 10 seconds. Some days the best is washing your hair and showering and having a small snack; another day your best is sending out 20 applications, going for a run, doing yoga, cleaning and doing laundry, and reaching out to some friends.

    What is the use of the added pressure to someone who is already down? And encouragement is not the same as pressure, and there are many ways to strongly suggest without being an arrogant/mean or downright rude person in so doing.

    Ok, you got over your 'flu' in 3 days. Great! I took 2 weeks to get over mine, and I also had a hoarse voice lingering for 3 weeks after. Oh well. We're both still alive to tell our stories and connect with others. Your way is not necessarily my way or my journey in life. Give thanks for your successes but acknowledge that you do not have all the answers or maybe even a fraction. I don't think even science does. We have seen it evolve from one day X causes cancer, tomorrow it cures it or vice versa. We are all on this basically experimental journey of trying, failing, making mistakes, trying again.

    I mean what ever happened to live and let live? And show compassion and give support, are you seeking some sort of imaginary brownie points by force feeding "your way" onto someone else's life?

    At the end of the day none of us make it out of life alive. You could be fighting your damn hardest to beat your mental health illness and then get knocked down dead.

    Positive thought is great and all, as it is positive but it is not the same as delusion. Even therapists have said that it is okay to acknowledge that factually your past was or your present is "crap" or challenging, whatever the case may be. It is not about ignoring the reality, isn't it really just about trying to overcome daily and hoping for your efforts to eventually succeed?

    There are so many hopeful rap or other artistes out there that are working their butts off, but you will never ever hear of them, and they will never ever get the break that others have, even if they are more talented. We probably may even know a singer or two who is actually many times over more gifted/talented/skilled than some of the mainstream artistes who are "successful".

    Should we just keep berating these people and telling them well they are simply not working hard enough obviously? When the reality is that some of the famous ones happened to be at the right place at the right time?
    Why turn a blind eye to what is reality? Does crucifying someone who has already won the hardest battle by being on here and being alive still, and still trying, help them along their life's journey?

    Has being told that your whole life circumstances are irrelevant and you're just a lazy moaning piece of shit been "the thing" that really helped someone get better? Does it help or has it helped you to hear that it is all your fault so just fix it? Are you now cured having received this form of help?
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Its easier to help others than focusing on self and addressing your own issues.

    I used to say @#$% the horse you rode in on to people who came in/went out of my life. Lol have stopped giving a damn IRL

    Just saying everyone is different and how to give constructive feedback is done differently in each individual thought process. Its a human thing.

    You are right in sum of it all its your own beat to your own drummer not others so your successes cannot be compared to others. Others can follow your beats if they like it or do their own.
     
    AlexiMarie7 likes this.
  3. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    There is a reason why Nike adopted their current logo of Just Do It. But thats another story.

    In anxiety management, you have to try and build towards a situation where you go from "I'll try" to "I'll do". Anxiety prevents suffers from doing a lot of things that others take for granted. For instance, I might find it difficult to go to the shops. Day after day I say, "I'll try to go to the shop" but every day I fail. At some point, to achieve that goal I have to decide "I am going to the shop" and just do it. It might mean I have to just leave the house and go to the road then come back. Then the following day go a little further until I reach the point where I am at the shop. So others and therapists will tell you sometimes "Just Do It" is the right approach. It is all ways of managing the anxiety and all part of the overall recovery program. But at what point it is right for me or for you could be completely different.

    There will always be circumstances where giving someone a little "push" in the right direction works. There will always be situations where it doesn't work and situations where it should not even be a option. Knowing the differences is no easy task. Its probably what helps to set therapists apart, they are trained to hopefully see and understand when to push is right and when not to push is right.

    I dont honestly believe anyone gets "cured" when it comes to mental health. Addicts are addicts for life. Depression will always be a part of me now and there will always be a possibility of it returning at any time in the future. All the therapy and medication in the world cant change that. But I hope, that I can learn what trigger to be wary of, what signs to look for that show me slipping into negativity and isolation. I hope I can learn to "manage" my own mental health the same way as I can manage my physical health. But anyone who dares to tell me its all my fault, buck my ideas up, pull myself together and get on with it, or any other crap remotely like that will get the one reply, its two words, one begins with F the other ends in F and uck of fits in the middle.
     
  4. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    I was thinking even of weight loss, people will insist that you definitely should go to the gym first thing in the morning: to start your day with exercise is best, you get it out of the way, set your day right and whatever other reasons they have why this works best....for them.

    But I used to be in the gym 6/ 7 days a week, and the days when I would go early in the morning would simply be horrendous. Where I would do an hour on the elliptical for instance as routine, in the morning I would do maybe 20-25 minutes and be on the verge of 'dying', and literally have to leave, and so I obviously didn't achieve as much re calorie burning, and plus I felt as if I sort of failed, seeing that I know what I could do normally, so that didn't really help my day off to a good start in any way, not to mention the added pressure then of the commute to make it in time for normal duties after.
    So, yes you can say 'exercise' for instance as a viable suggestion but it still has to be adapted to the manner that best suits that person's body/their lifestyle etc.

    I am trying to learn to laugh off people's 'insistence' now on X way, as I don't think anyone has "the key/the keys" to life for everyone. But I know that a comment on here once literally made me want to off myself immediately. I was with someone at the time on my way home and they noticed that I was visibly distressed. And this was not even the time someone just told me to go f*ck myself. Lmao @ this memory.

    But it really sucks when you try to seek help and you end up feeling way worse and like you were kicked down a couple rungs on the ladder, or feel even more hopeless. It is sometimes a fine line between needing to be "right" or spouting "facts" and actually being helpful. Do you follow up after; do you even care? Is it just a need to write/say words without regard for their impact?

    I guess like everything you have to try to sift out the good/useful for you, but it's often hard to do when you are at a real low point, especially when you have to compete with the thunder of its delivery.
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  5. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    You're hella funny, Kid. And insightful as per usual.

    I think I agree with you re not being cured in some situations. And I think it's okay and maybe helpful to actually say this openly; so that instead of feeling like you are fighting a losing/impossible battle--re never feeling cured--you can switch to the goal of managing it better and maybe accepting that some rough waves will come even though you are doing what you should/can.
     
  6. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It is very much a case of experimentation until you find what is right for you/me. I tried gym as well in the morning, waste of time and effort, much better late afternoon for me. Evenings are ok as well. I am a nightowl anyway, so that kinda stands to reason.

    I dont think anything or anyone has the answers. We find our own, just sometimes we need some help when looking. I am looking for solutions to my own problems, with a little help, I hope I will find them, if not, then I need to change things/adjust to compensate. But you are right, no one is going to hand over the keys and tell me that behind a door lies the solution to all my problems.

    Good help is hard to find and one of my frustrations with myself is wondering if the support you offer is helpful or not. Theres not a great deal of feedback when things go well, but when they dont, theres feedback coming out of the walls and floors.........sorry, just being a tad cynical there :D
     
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Excerising isn't the solution to weight loss IMO!

    Either is starvation.

    Its in your diet. Just experiment with different methods and give it time to work. I'm told diet is 80% and excerise is 20% key to weight loss.

    I fast for days at a time because I like it and it doesn't cause me to lose weight. I weight about the same once I start eating again. Its so silly how people assume Im losing weight when I'm actually eating then when I'm fasting no one says anything lol.
     
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    To be fair to everyone, I think what works for your body wont work for another. I do honestly believe my archielles heel is the sugar/carbs. I live off it as a substance. I don't eat fruits/vegs if I do its mixed in with the protein. I eat tons tons of bread and I'm satisfied.