Higher Level of Self-Isolation

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Joshy, Aug 5, 2014.

  1. Joshy

    Joshy Well-Known Member

    So I'm pretty sure I'm on a whole higher level of self-isolation. I delete everyone from my life, then avoid all human contact including going to the store or any public places I know will have people. I hate humans. I have no friends. I don't want any friends because I don't trust humans other than myself. And I neglect my family and haven't spoken to them at all. I don't like my family either. I don't like anyone.

    When I become friends with anyone it never lasts long because I feel severely inadequate in their life compared to all the other friends they have.
    When I fall in love with someone I immediately disappear from their life and erase all the traces I left.

    And I go to smoking and drinking to get drunk and feel numb to remove myself from the reality of how depressing my life is.

    I was suppose to seek treatment from a psychologist but I avoided it. I don't want to see a professional who I don't even know and they have other more important patients to treat.

    I feel severely inadequate to every human and I remove myself from all social situations. I don't talk. I'm even considering ceasing from typing online all together. I've deleted all my social networking accounts and removed all my photos and everything. I'm even considering breaking my phone so no one can call at all to ask how I'm doing. Because they have more important things to do than call me to ask how I'm doing so I can stay silent and not really respond to them.

    This post is more of a vent to be honest. I'm not seeking attention, I just want people to know that there are people like me out here who remove themselves completely from life, and that you should leave them alone if you ever meet one. They don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't understand what they feel or what they are going through like this.

    You can't imagine what it's like to be this self-isolated from life. Practically living in a dark room and looking at 2D images is my life. I don't have a job, I don't go to school, I'm not in a relationship, I don't live with family, and I don't talk to or even go outside my room to talk to my housemates. They know not to talk to me or else I just spiral more into a self-destructive mood and they know I will probably leave the house and never return if they try.

    I'm just distracting my life with hobbies kept in my dark room. But I'm very bored with my hobbies. I'm just waiting for death or something to happen to change this life. I don't expect any miracle to happen. I expect to die alone. But I'm not suicidal and I don't commit physical self-harm. It's more like waiting for the bus to come, and hyper-analyzing the ground while you wait.

    I'm a Hikikomori/Hermit/True Shut-in/Self-Isolated person. Don't help me because I don't trust you and I could never earn your trust. But I'm not comparing you to everyone else who broke my trust in the past. So don't mistake that. I'm not comparing you. I just don't trust anyone.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    TRUST once broken very hard to find i get that i hope that you can let just a crack of light in sitting in a darkness of isolation can be so very very painful and i am sorry you are suffering
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sadly, when completely isolated and choosing to not participate in life at all nothing is likely to just come along and change it. Your analogy of waiting for the bus in this situation could be more like waiting for a bus but not on a bus route - it is not going to come. Until you find a way to change something nothing else will change, which is fine if you are happy like that , but the tone of your post implies that is not the case.