hii.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Xemptyhanded, Aug 25, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Xemptyhanded

    Xemptyhanded New Member

    So I'm pretty much new to this.
    And I have no idea where to start.
    I feel so unimportant.Like no one cares if I'm here or not.I've wanted to die for so long.I've been hurting myself for like three years.I don't know what else to do.And it's so hard to talk to people about because they really don't understand.Everything used to mean so much to me..I pretty much liked school.I've lost interest in everything.I started doing drugs.And i know its dumb,but what else am I to do ?Nothing's the same and I know it never will be and I see no point in trying to fix it.I don't even know if I'm explaining this situation as well as I can but it's really hard..I don't even know how im supposed to feel.I mean,I used to have someone who cared.She was like the most amazing person,but she's gone now.I really have nothing.I'm sure many people feel this way..but the feeling of emptiness is so hard to describe you know?Like what the eff am I supposed to say.I wanna talk to my mom sometimes.And tell her what's wrong with me.But I know she wouldnt understand.Especially if i told her im bisexual..she'd defiantely kick my ass out.I have no where else to turn.And I know I'm going to do it soon.I just don't know when..
     
  2. xestrangedx

    xestrangedx Member

    Hey, welcome here.

    What has changed to make you feel so unimportant? You say that you used to feel important - you still are. Is it when this girl left your life? We know hurting yourself isn’t the best way but you do it anyway - I do too. I am not going to sit and shout at you and tell you not too - because that doesn’t help. Yes you do need to stop it - but it is hard. I have tried and failed so many times. But this is what this site is here for - when you feel like hurting yourself you can post on here. It is starting to help me more. I also have a box were I keep 'happy' things in it. I look in it every time I feel the urge to cut. Maybe you could too? Simple things like that help me and I know others to cope for a bit. It seems like the word can’t possibly understand what you feel like - but really some do. If you give them a chance to let them in - some can. REALLY.
    Drugs weren’t the best move - you know this. Are you still doing them? Maybe try and move away from he gang who you hang around with. It’s hard to give it up, but you know you have a problem. That’s good you can start to get it sorted. You might feel you don’t want to but you should in order to change your life around for the positive. What subject do you like at school? Could you have a talk with the teacher? Explain you’re finding it hard - they should give some extra notes. If you really want to do well in school again you can. It’s hard to take the first step but once you do it gets easier - I promise. Maybe not overnight but it does eventually. Why do you see no point in fixing it? We all give up sometimes but it is what we do when we are at our worst that really determined how strong we are. You are strong - I can tell. You posted this to strangers - you can do this.

    What happened to this girl? Is it possible to try and bring her back into your life or would that be impossible - physically? If you have had a fight, try and get it sorted. This person was obviously your back bone and your support. I find a few people online to be like that. It sounds stupid because you don’t know them in 'real' life, but you don’t know how many times the internet has saved me.
    Writing it down can sometimes help. Why not try writing a letter to your mum, leaving it out and let her read it in her own time. She can keep it longer and look back over it. Sometimes we can express ourselves more through writing than speech. You don’t need to explain your sexuality to her right now but if you really feel you need to at this moment then you should.


    Maybe you will get nothing out of my writing but please just don’t give up yet. There are people who care about you even if they fail to show it sometimes. I am here a lot or online most of the day and night. Pm me or email me - anything. I may just be another stranger on the internet but I’m here to listen ANYTIME. You can be sure I’ll be here to listen anytime and if I’m not online at the same time, I will get back to you. I wish you luck and hope to see you around here more.
     
  3. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome to SF :)

    I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through. It sounds like a very lonely and difficult time for you.. i'm glad that you found the forum though and hopefully you'll find this to be a safe place to talk about how you're feeling.. and at least people here can and will understand what it's like to be suffering from depression.

    I know it's hard to put words to how bad the feelings are. It's hard to describe.. i guess it's not like when you break a leg and you can describe it relatively easily. We're talking about emotions that are within ourselves.. and that's not easy to show to the outside world. But don't worry too much, because a lot of members here can relate, i know i certainly can.

    Especially to what you say about used to enjoy things and have a purpose. I felt recently that I stopped enjoying things. I stopped having a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I lost the purpose. But it can come back.. things don't always have to be this bad for you..

    .. are you on any medication for your depression? I wonder if that coupled with seeing a counsellor or someone would help? Are there any free, confidential services in your area?

    I hope you'll stick around here and keep talking to us. Although we're limited to an online support forum, we do care and we are here to listen :)

    :hug:
    Jenny x
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hi and welcome, all though we all dont know you personally but we all go thru similar emotions, we care wether you live or not, you may not believe that but we do, there is alot of love in this forum and you are apart of it! maybe you can talk about it here? im sure your mum loves you so much, every mother loves their kids so much that words can't decribe, and im sure she'd accept what ever you told her. there may be people who can relate to you, if you dont want to talk about it where everyone can see then maybe pm someone? im here if you wanna talk and alot of other people are here for you aswell. Please talk to us before doign any that can't be undone, we are allways here to talk to

    take care

    vikki x
     
  5. numb_numb

    numb_numb Member

    don't worry, you will find someone who will make you happy again, and it'll all be worth it

    ooh, you are from canada too! nice one :D
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 26, 2006
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.