Hiii ^_^

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by overboard., Nov 29, 2012.

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  1. overboard.

    overboard. New Member

    But other than that long spiel of my problem, hi, I'm Tay :)
    I write, mostly short stories and poetry. (I'm on Mibba as overboard.)
    I'm the youngest of six children so being invisible is my specialty, and I'm just really socially awkward and a bit weird.

    I was diagnosed with depression as well as anxiety last year and put on Prozac, which doesn't work at all anymore. It worked for awhile, but now I just take it because I can't just stop since my mom says it isn't healthy.
    Nothing really helps. I had NOS Bulimia a couple years ago and sometimes I still have problems with it.

    I also have periods where I feel confident and good about myself and like I'm on top of the world. During this time, I'm a lot more talkative and I stand up for myself and laugh at things that usually get me in trouble because I can't control how good I feel. I'm more social and nothing really gets to me when I'm up. I get a bit reckless with my thinking and just put everything off thinking I can do it whenever and not suffer any consequences. I have the attitude of "who cares?" I talk faster...I feel like I don't need any help with anything and get irritated when people try to assist me...

    Then I crash down and I hurt myself worse than I did the last time meaning I lock myself in my room and cut..a lot, or scratch or pull my hair or hit myself...and just get really violent and other things while crying my eyes out. During this time, one tiny look, or even just one word can completely set me off.

    I've been this way since I can remember, though...way back in 3rd grade when I was 9 I was having depressive thoughts and wanting to "disappear" by means of falling asleep and never waking up...I was having suicidal thoughts like..hey, my dad's pills are right there, what if I took them? Would they make it better?

    I have bad like...hallucinations that show me killing myself and there's so much blood I can smell it and taste it and I feel hollow like I'm just watching and not in my body. They're terrifying and when I come back into myself I'm shaking and I want to cry...I had one on the bus to school this morning...
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Tay and welcome..can you tell your parents or the family doctor that the medication is no longer working and some of the things you do when you are down so that you can get the care you need? None of us can solve our problems alone and it would be helpful if you had support and guidance with these issues. Welcome again
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Tay sounds like your medication needs to be adjusted some hun TAlk to your doctor ok soon and tell your parents what happened so you can get support you need h un
    Hugs I am sorry you had such a bad experience hun but with help you wont have any more of them
     
  4. overboard.

    overboard. New Member

    Since I'm too scared to do it face-to-face, I wrote my mom a letter about everything...and she said she was going to get me an appointment soon, so hopefully she really sees that I need it after she reads my letter and she won't think that I'm just over-reacting anymore >_<
    Thanks, loves! <3
     
  5. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    Hi Tay and Welcome to SF!

    I also write short stories and poetry. Maybe we can share with each other sometime.

    Its good that you found us and are reaching out. Keep reaching out and go to your doctors appointment. They will be able to help you the most with the medication side of things. Also keep reaching out to your family and other trusted people in your life. Recovery isnt easy and you cant do it on your own.

    Take good care of you and reach out to us when you need to!
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Hello Tay, welcome to SF - many people here deal with similar type problems though all slightly unique in there own way, just like you. You should fir right in and feel comfortable I hope so you have a place to share. When it comes time for a Dr appt take a few minutes and write down how you are feeling similar to your post here and when you go into Dr office just hand him/her the note to save having to explain it all yourself if face to face is difficult for you.

    I am not sure if you found it yet but we have a place to share poems and short stories here on the forum. http://www.suicideforum.com/forumdisplay.php?25-To-Sleep-Perchance-to-Dream - I would love to read some of yours if you ever care to share it.


    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
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