history repeats

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i feel sick, physically sick. i just lost 600 euros again whilst gambling, i thought i had it this time, i thought i did well. and now lost it all again. i havent dared to ask for wellfare and all the job agencies i go to say they havent got a job or that they will get back to me but then they dont. and on top of that i havent had a girlfriend anymore. and as icing on the cake this year i will have nothing to do, i failed to get admitted because i lack a high school diploma again at 21. its just too late im just sick of how stupid and unfit i am. i just want to kill myself and get it over with, i cant do it on my own anymore and nobody helps.
its just so that i perhaps may know what i should be doing but that i dont have the willpower or the desire if you will to achieve it. each time i get other things thrown in my path that i then want to chase and in the end i have nothing. its like im running after 10 bunnys at once. and often i keep running after all 10 of them untill i get depressed again and then i sit down and want to kill myself what can i do.

edit: i just need to be kept on the right path, i try it myself but fail often. anyone got any suggestions? i just have this fog in my head its not something made up it actually hurts and i cant do anything or sleep well i am not doing well
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