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Hit a dead end...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ferret, Jun 20, 2009.

  1. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    I'm supposed to go out with some friends tomorrow night just to hang out, but my close friend who hasn't talked to me in ages is going to be there. At first I thought about not going, because I don't know how to react to her being there. She probably doesn't want me there either, which makes things feel a lot worse. Tomorrow is also her birthday, so I was going to get her some appropriate flowers and a card. Although it's a prime moment to tell her how sorry I am for ruining our friendship, I don't know if that's enough. I'm not really ready to see her. I'm getting counseling now and work out at the gym 5 days a week. I want her to see that I've changed both mentally and physically. I haven't really started this change yet, so seeing her after all this time might not be such a great idea after all. But I know that I want her friendship back. I want things to go back to the way they were, and I don't see myself surviving without her in my life. I'm in fear for the worst. I made a mistake, but don't know how to fix it :blub:

    Thank you all for your advice.
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    What happened to cause you two to not speak?
  3. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Desmond,

    I know the story :unsure: I think you should go to the party but stay clear of her. She has made it clear she doesn't want to speak to you,I think just let it be.. :hug:
  5. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    The get together didn't go ahead as expected. I should know better to think that some of my friends will stick to their original plans. I bought her a bouquet of yellow roses anf had some purple and white flowers added to it. I thought I was going to see her yesterday so I could give them to her, because there's a lot more meaning in giving a present to someone in person. I think she knew I was going to be at that get together, so she didn't bother showing up :( . I took a huge risk and went to her house. I put the roses on her doorstep, because by then it was really late and it looked like everyone was either out or asleep. I didn't park my car next to her house. I left my car on another street and walked there. I drove by a little while later and noticed the roses weren't there anymore. I guess someone took them. I'm hoping it was her. Today I feel really disappointed and down. If I hadn't gotten mad at her, or did't rely on her as the sole supporter whenever times were rough, then we would still be talking. We would still be close friends. I guess these days to really love some one only happens in the movies. I just get rejected :( .
  6. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to upset you but you really have to let it go. If I was her I would be frightened of you because you are sounding like you're stalking her, leaving things on her doorstep etc. You are simply going to have to accept that your chances with her are gone and move on. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you're going to get yourself into serious trouble if you carry on.
  7. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    There's no such thing as stalking a best friend. Anyway, I'm going to give up on this post. I'll just rot away here and live my life of no friends. I'm heading downhill anyway. So long folks.
  8. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    There is if she's made it plain that she doesn't want any more contact from you.
  9. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Maybe you don't have to give up just yet. Do you feel like you could really have her as a friend without pushing a relationship? A relationship might not be possible, but think about it this way - most romantic relationships end until you marry, and then 50% of marriages end. Friendships in my experience tend to last a lot longer. Friendship is really meaningful. Could you write her an email, or letter, or text, or leave a voicemail apologizing for all the trouble and asking for another chance? Maybe skip out on the flowers. Its a little romantic and she's made it clear thats not what she wants.

    I have a guy friend who has told me he is in love with me for years. Several times he asked me for a date, mentioned a relationship, tried to kiss me. Each time I declined. Some of the times it ended in a fight and put a rift in our friendship. For awhile I said the same thing as your friend told you, that I thought being so close was harmful, and I completely stopped speaking to him. But when he asked for another try, I gave it to him, because I DO value the friendship. And I HAVE thought of a relationship with him too, by the way, though I decided it could never work. Anyway, despite having gone our own separate ways a few times, we our currently friends. And despite all the trouble we've had concerning his feelings for me, I really value that friendship and its worth it.

    So I guess I'm just saying, I don't know your specific situation very well other than this post and the earlier one you linked to, but if its at all similar to my situation, maybe she'll give friendship another go.

    Don't give up please.