I'm supposed to go out with some friends tomorrow night just to hang out, but my close friend who hasn't talked to me in ages is going to be there. At first I thought about not going, because I don't know how to react to her being there. She probably doesn't want me there either, which makes things feel a lot worse. Tomorrow is also her birthday, so I was going to get her some appropriate flowers and a card. Although it's a prime moment to tell her how sorry I am for ruining our friendship, I don't know if that's enough. I'm not really ready to see her. I'm getting counseling now and work out at the gym 5 days a week. I want her to see that I've changed both mentally and physically. I haven't really started this change yet, so seeing her after all this time might not be such a great idea after all. But I know that I want her friendship back. I want things to go back to the way they were, and I don't see myself surviving without her in my life. I'm in fear for the worst. I made a mistake, but don't know how to fix it :blub: Thank you all for your advice.