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Hit a low

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Feb 27, 2008.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Just hit another bad low.
    Am trying not to let it show, or affect her, or cause a fight. Not sure if it's working or not...doubt it :sad:

    Keep thinking about OD'ing. Thinking about it a lot. Every post I read about it draws me in. Makes me stop and think. Think I'm pissing Vikki off by wanting to be around her the whole time. But I know how I feel at the moment, and I know that the longer I am alone, with the temptation around me, the more likely I am to do it.

    Being triggered by that word again as well. How stupid is that. Can't hear or see the word Cancer without feeling like shit. It's so stupid. Come on girl, it's been 8 months, get a grip :dry:

    Mother's Day is coming up. I think that's what's wrong with me. In our family Mother's Day was never about Mum's. It was always about my Nan. She had 4 children of her own and two of her grandchildren (Me and my 14year old cousin) looked at my Nan ad more like a Mum. I had been living with her for 15 years...ofcourse she was a Mum to me. It's gonna be hard.

    And my birthday. My 21st. My first birthday without her. I'm somewhere between being happy for other people (and cos of the presents :tongue: ) and wanting to cry over having to go through another of the "firsts" without my Nan. :unsure:
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    First of all, OD'ing, bad. :nono:
    Second, you're allowed to grieve, you're allowed to still feel pain, etc.

    For mother's day, remember what I told you, you could do to make it easier? Hang out with your mom, and go see your Nan's grave and leave her some pretty flowers and stuff, maybe write her something and laminate it and just kind of leave it out there under the flowers. :smile:

    You know where I am if ya need me. :hug:
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I am spending half the day with Vikki and her mum and half the day with my Mum. I can't make it to my Nan's grave on the sunday but I am going to go on Friday and on the monday

  4. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I can't even imagine the pain your in right now. And I'm so sorry you have to go through this... I know you'll find the strentgh to keep going. You seem like a strong person who has a lot of people who love and care about you. :hug:

    I completely understand about the not wanting to be alone. I get like that a lot as well. If you ever want to talk you can PM me or add me to MSN. I hope everything turns out good for you. :hug:
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hey hun,

    Thanks for the reply :hug:
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    eh, i dun wanna have to spend another 8 hours at your hospital bed watching you throw up and being worried out of my mind about you. You really wanna feel like you did that day? i learnt my lesson from OD's thought you had aswell.
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I HAVE..... hence why I'm still here :smile:
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    hiya, Sam! :hug: Sorry you're feeling so low. It's hard sometimes. Please stay safe and hang in there. :hug:
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Im trying :smile: Thanks :hug: