Hit a new low

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ed., Sep 1, 2009.

  1. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    Hit bottom again, waking up every morning feeling like im in a coma, but im only waiting to wake up, cos it seems like i cant just do it.
    Got no money, no job, think im gonna fail this university course.
    I cant even look after myself, let alone my girlfriend, and of course, if it does all go to shit, theres the parents to face, your not supposed to be like this when your 20, altho, i dont think i was supposed to feel like this at any point in life.
    She needs me, but i need solitude, just for a few days, why do I dread telling her? she will freak out. I need money, why do I dread asking my family? Cos it will bring so much, its never simple with them, so many questions, they just dont understand, why dont you have a job? what are you doing with your time? whats wrong with you? Im lazy, im so fucking sorry for that, i would rather hide under my bed drinking myself to death, i would rather have a cup full of un-known drugs and herbs for breakfast first thing in the morning, just to make me happy, i would rather take pills and liquids to make me sexually aroused than talk about why i feel nothing when she is coming on to me, why i feel empty, why sometimes i cant even feel my arms and face im so detached. I dont hurt myself anymore, but i want to, i only dont out of shame and fear of what she will say to me if i did. She understands, but it will feel as though i would be letting her down, she will think its her fault. Thats my story isnt it? didnt realise it till now, just living so i dont let people down, wow, how cliché, ah well. Uni starts in 2 weeks, guess ill find out where my life will go then. there, im done, all out, back to eating my rice...
     
  2. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    i really think you need to get some professional help. this is stuff i don't think you're capable of sorting out by yourself and your girlfriend needs to understand this. and if you care about her you need to let her know.