Hit Rock Bottom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Jul 9, 2009.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    Ive had a great few days stayed at the boyfriends house been out with people had a bit of a laugh. and lastnight when i got back to my empty house... i hit rock bottom once again.. i dont really know what triggerd it i was arguing with my boyfriend over some other person that likes me. i know where hes coming from and i know exactly what i feel... ive never felt so alone in my life everything crashed down within a few seconds and its still the same today... lastnight.. i could have done it... i could have done anything to kill myself.... did i try? yes. but it only made it worse i couldnt even do that right...

    I must be one hell of a loser to be honest. why would he even care? because eachtime he says he doesnt care i believe it.. he deserves so much better than me...
    If im not arguing with him.. its someone else the things ive had people say to me over the past couple of days have all taken their toll on me... i feel worn down i cant actually cope with this anymore.

    What with the flashbacks and the constant waking up kicking and scream, having my boyfriend cuddling me at night and then trying to fight him off thinking hes someone else

    just cant do it anymore


    And to him.
    im sorry.
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    Aimee please don't do this :hug: you're worth so much more and you deserve help!
    do you have someone you can talk to about this? a therapist maybe?
    i know flashbacks can be so hard to try and suppress and push to the back of your mind but they do fade, honestly :arms:
    as for your boyfriend, relationships are hard and you seem to get why he may be upset about the other person who likes you so he should be more understanding too about how you feel. does your boyfriend know you're feeling like this? perhaps talking to him would help, just a calm conversation about it. just a suggestion.

    you are worth caring about, we all care here okay :hug: and if you ever need anyone to talk to, i'm here alright :heart:
    triggs :smile: xx
  3. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    He knows everything to do with this he knows all my feelings he prob the most understanding person of this there could be. you see he has this thing (cant remeber what its called) But he can become depressed within a second of a mood change and its never going to get better and i know if hurts him knowing there is nothing he can do to stop my feelings to stop this

    and i still believe i make it worse for him.
    and the last few days ive been making it worse for him even tho he says its not me i know it is.. he asked me for space.. and ive never felt so guilty because i cant lose him and i went off the trails when he said this and i spent 2 weeks in an ICU and iit left him feeling guilty. and i know he still does... im tramping him
  4. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    :sad: i finally give up
  5. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    please don't give up :hug: perhaps it is just space you need. you can't blame yourself for everything hun, just trust your boyfriend to be honest with you about it and he will. that way you two can know when you should stick together and maybe spend a couple of days apart. it could do you both the world of good :smile:
    please keep talking hun :heart:
  6. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    he doesnt want space now, i dont either i just dont understand anymore i cant do it anymore
  7. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    please keep talking hun :hug: it does help
    i'm not sure what to say
    but please stop and think - there are so many other things to live for
    you shouldn't let the affects of one person govern whether you live or not
    you're worth so much more than that :hug: please stay
    perhaps distract yourself in the coffee house thread or maybe take a nap?
    try to hang in there hun :heart: xx
  8. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i cant sleep
    i can think straight anymore
    its not just one person its everyone,
    i love him so much and i know he feels the same
    but i think im driving him crazy i know i am
    and i know he would be better off without me
    even if he wont admit it
  9. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    if he says he doesn't want to be without you then maybe that's the truth
    everyone goes through different things, but if he still wants you there, don't you think that's saying something?
    what about everyone else? do you want to talk about that?
    :heart: xx
  10. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i just dont do anything for anyone, i do nothing but cause problems for my family all i seem to do is hurt them im a terrible person
  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I don't know you well but i'm sure your not a terrible person. and no matter how much you think you hurt them, your family love you and your death would have a terrible effect on them. :hug: try and hold on.
  12. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    You are not a terrible person because you care for someone! That's what good people do!

    Stay strong and Take care. :)
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