Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Scully, Nov 7, 2010.

  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Last week, on Monday at 6 AM, I was assaulted by someone I thought was a buddy at my own place.

    How it happened... On the previous Sunday I met him at the station. I was looking for a cigarette. He gave it to me, we talked and he invited me to take a coffee. So we took coffees, and coffees until the day I invited him to take a coffee. My mistake. And I still feel like everything that happened is all my fault. So we drank a coffee and he left. Then he came back. He really look to be somebody calm and cool. He told me after a while he didn't have a hotel room and that he had nowhere to sleep and if he could stay for the night that he would go early in the morning. I didn't want him to stay but he had already taken possession of the couch. So of course I didn't sleep at all and at about 6 AM I went to wake him up. Several times because he didn't want to get up. Suddenly he jumped and started to hit me in the face. He hit me several times so violently I wondered if I will lose my eye. He insulted me, *****, slut, and saying I was an ugly idiot. I went to the bathroom to look at my eye that was really blue and swollen. He went on insulting me and threatened me if he ever so me again.. Etc... I was only looking at the door but I went to open it with for purpose to shout in the staircase he stopped me. I went back to the bathroom saying I just wanting him to move. He took his things and moved. I was incredibly calm. I think I was so shocked by the surprise and the violence it gave me the strenght to keep cool and make him leave.

    Once he left I closed the locket. I went back to the bathroom to watch at my eye. The thought that made me burst into sobs was: "what am I going to tell Fox?" I cried a little while. Then I went to the CMP (where I go for my therapy), and saw a nurse there. I went then to take an appointment with my physician. Then I went back to the CMP to talk in ER with my psychologist and it's the first time I cry in front of someone else in years. He had to keep the distance, he's my therapist, but he was very soft and helpful. The afternoon I went to the doctor and he advised me to go to the ER to be checked on my eye by an ophtalmologist. He made me a certificate and I went to the police to lodge a complain. Then I went in the cops car to go to the hotel where I knew he stayed. He wasn't there but I could identify him and so they have his full name. They drove me back home.

    The most difficult thing to do was to tell Fox. Now he thinks I can't protect myself. And he's not wrong. I'm small and I'm a lonely woman. So he texts me regularly and when I don't answer he worries and asks if all is ok. The day after I went to my normal appointment with my psychiatrist and then I went to the ER to be checked on my eye. Everything was alright with it only the hematome was impressive. But they gave me some local meds to prevent a potential infection.

    One week later, I feel guilty and scared. I don't tell my partner because he worries enough like that. I don't want him to think I can't handle it. I'm afraid he could come back. I don't think I was scared like that before, although I lived pretty scary and weird things already. But here... He knows where I live. He's my Donnie Pfaster. And it's all my fault.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    oh my god that is terrible! I'm so sorry this happened to you and it is NOT your fault...he's the one who did the wrong...how could you have known he would do that...I hope the police catch the motherf**ker...

    please don't blame yourself, you're a kind person and he took advantage of that...he's the one to blame, and he's the bad one....
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I agree with the above.

    I dont know what to say. I'm horrified and angry at what happened to you and I hope you heal with your therapists - and that person gets what he deserves.
  4. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Thank youss for your comments. It warms me a little.

    There're days I don't even get out, and when I do I keep walking in my quarter. Tomorrow I'm going to a friend and I'm very nervous.
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I re-live it and I want to cut :(
  6. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    am saddened to hear what has happened to you, after all you were doing that other person a favour and you didnt desreve what happened
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I'm so angry in fact. I just want to cut. why?
  8. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    hopelessness, helplessness or haplessness, any one or a mix of them could form a composite reason to cut. The same reasons have been brimming, waiting to burst in my mind too. But the moment i begin thinking better of myself, i gain self respect and that prevents SH.

    Your ordeal was nothing lesser than a living nightmare. I hope you find a calming moment before you decide to cut.
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I can relate to that alot...when things like that happen and then I just want to bash my head against a wall of cut the veins of my arms...

    I get angry and think how dare he do that? and why didn't I do this?....I think its punishment for what happened and that we somehow let it happened to us...when in fact, we couldn't know it would happen and it wasn't in our control to begin with...the mind is very complicated...
  10. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    yeah, I relate. I have that guilt at the bottom of myself, always there, ready to come out at the first occasion.