Hitting a new low

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by cymbele, Apr 21, 2012.

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  1. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    Lately I've gone into a funk I can't get out of. Always used to be in one but the meds and the therapy stuff has really helped. Now I'm back in the abyss and can't get out of it. Planning to buy the ingredients I need to "off" myself and use them. Stupid me threw them out last year and now have to spend money to get them back plus nulify my will. That stupid will was written in a fit of anger and now I don't care if my kid gets everything instead of some of it. Kept me alive through some dark times knowing that I had to fix the will before suiciding.

    Therapist has gone a long vacation and while the pdoc said i could call him during working hours. I would only call if i didn't want to kill myself. Bah! Why would I tell anyone that I want to kill myself unless they can help me achieve the suicide? They want to keep me alive when I want to be dead.

    Well it's off to do some shopping...
  2. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    i used to ask my therapist this very question when i was 18.

    the truth is, deep down, no one wants to die. there's still a spark of hope inside of you no matter how dim it is and whether you are aware of it or not.

    you said meds and the therapy stuff has really helped... how about now? i mean are you still taking meds?
    there are a lot of kind people here who are more than willing to help you get pass this. talk to us, okay?

    pls know that your kids would live in agony every single day for the rest of their life if you killed yourself.

    be gentle with yourself, hun. you've come this far this in this life. why give up now? you are stronger than you think.
  3. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    Yes I still on the meds but maybe they're not working. Loneliness is creeping in and I've started fantiszing what I would do with a gun. My kid caught me crying the other night and asked me why and I lied and said it was b/c of a lack of boyfriend (part of the truth). Mostly it would be nice if someone took an interest in me. My kid has to move on from me and make her own friends and be self reliant and she can;t be if I'm always falling apart.This is the shitty part of a divorce the lonliness. although my therapist said i was worse lonely when I was married. I can't see that. I justknow that I'm close to giving up again.
  4. MisterBGone


    It is entirely possible that a change in the dosage of your medication, or a change in medications is necessary. Have you discussed these difficulties with your psychiatrist? He or she would best know how to advise you. It's quite common for adjustments to be made throughout the duration of even an effective medication. I hope that you can get in to see them soon so as to resolve this problem. Good luck and best wishes!
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