Hiv scare, severe depression, disappointing results

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SynapseR, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. SynapseR

    SynapseR Member

    Hello there people.

    Thanks for listening.

    On October 18th I had an unprotected sexual encounter with a stranger.

    I was convinced I was infected with hiv from that encounter. I tried to commit suicide twice because I couldn't stand the thoughts of being infected.

    With therapy and medication, I managed to bounce back a little and I actually got back some of the joy of studying. I was getting my hope back again. I was getting more and more productive and I was actually expecting to be successful in all the subjects.

    I was wrong: out of five subjects, I failed at two. It is not the end of the world, but I never experienced failure like this before. I feel extremely weak and powerless for the time being, I don't feel necessarily depressed, but I surely feel some self hatred and frustration.

    I wasted a lot of time and effort worrying about Hiv, now I feel stupid for doing that.

    I'm at risk of losing my scholarship for a stupid mistake and my inability of focusing on what mattered the most: my future with or without HIV.

    I just needed to vent, there are some times when I feel like some kind of monster.

    I hope better times come.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you not get a letter from your doc saying that you were unwell during exams? Or under incredible pressure?
    My final year my son was dodging school and I spent more time at his school than in uni.
    My doc wrote a letter explaining that I was under incredible pressure and they let me resit the two exams I had bombed in.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is worth a try ok get a letter from your doc stating you were under alot of mental stress and ask if you can rewrite those two exams
  4. SynapseR

    SynapseR Member

    Thanks for the advice, I'll do that.
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Have you actually been tested to see if you have HIV or not? I would echo what Terry has said, get a note from your doctors to say you've been under a lot of stress and see if you can re sit your exams. I actually tested HIV positive in my final year of uni and I was able to submit extenuating circumstances to get an extension for my dissertation.
  6. SynapseR

    SynapseR Member

    Hello there Butterfly,

    Yes, I've been tested and it was negative. Actually, I tested myself over 12 times in a 3 month period, it was quite simply crazy.

    In truth, I regret spending so much time worrying about HIV not because I shouldn't be worried, but because no matter the outcome, worrying and obsessing over HIV in the 3 month window period is pretty much useless.

    I followed your advice and they granted me another chance. Thank you so much, I was so stressed that I completely ignored my options.