Well I thought things were getting better but I guess good things never do last. Since my last visit. I have moved and we bought a house. Well that sounds all good and dandy but my husband does nothing but blame me for bills, debt, the location of the house, and his job. Nothing has been happy for a long long time. I can not go on with it. If I had no feelings or opinions then everything would be fine. He tells me all the time how I am nuts and what all is wrong with me. So when he does tell me that he loves me , they are just words that mean nothing. I believe that if he had the strength to leave he would have been long gone. But instead he has destroyed what little bit I had left. He knows how close I am to the edge and he is trying to push me over. Wouldnt that make his life better. I live in a house of strangers. In a house full of people I am alone. I sleep with a stranger every night. Things just continue to get worse. I can feel it destoying my insides. I ask for help but I am ignored. I am so full of hate that I have no idea what it feels to love anymore. Everyone thinks that I stopped my cutting but I just got better at hiding it. And obviously if he cared he would know. I get angry at his daughter because she acts like I am nothing, but what he doesnt understand is when no one was there for her I was. I never once shrugged my responsibility for her off on someone else. So I wonder why it hurts. I talk and I talk and no one can hear me. I feel like I am invisible. I have tried so hard to be better to be normal, but atlast that will never happen. I am confused and scared. I am 31 and my life is half over. But I have had my fill of pain. I am angry very very angry that I am the one thing that I can not fix. I can not even look myself in the mirror anymore. And for them not to notice....I'm not that good at hiding. They have quit on my a hell of alot sooner then I ever gave up on them. And that is what hurts the worst.:sad: I am totally drained with nothing else to give...but yet I can not get over the quilt of failing.