I've suffered from depression since 2005 after taking ecstasy every weekend for nearly four years and totally destroying my serotonin. My mental health worker put me on oxazepam which calmed me down for a few months before I got panic attacks when I started to withdraw. My doctor switched me to diazepam which was better as it was longer-acting but if I'd known how addictive it was I'd never have started using it. I've tried tapering without any success and feel hopeless with this dependence. I can't hold down a job and my family and few friends I do have get fed up with my mood swings all the time. I feel so pathetic as a person. My paranoia doesn't help at all with my brain screwed up through all the drugs like ecstasy, cocaine, cannabis and benzo's over the years. I have suicidal thoughts every day but couldn't put my family through the trauma. As a big football fan, the death of Gary Speed hit me hard emotionally. Thanks for listening and hopefully I can help others.