I need help, but I don't know what with. Hell, I need help with everything. I just don't know where to start. I've been looking into suicide, but I know I won't do it anytime soon. Nowadays I'm more passively suicidal. It's just nice to fantasize. I don't know...my life is wonderful. Family is caring and friends are supportive. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I keep hearing someone whistle to me. I feel like death is calling. But that was just now. My grades aren't bad. I'm not incredibly stupid. We aren't poor, not wealthy. Just in the middle, I suppose. We're in New Jersey, so we're ok. School's in an hour and I still haven't done homework. I made my boyfriend upset because I can change my ways and stop complaining, but I don't. I make excuses. I am just utterly terrible. I can help myself. I don't. STOP WHISTLING. I want to change. But maybe I don't wholeheartedly. I can't tell. I'm just worried. I need help. I know that. I just don't know what for, and I don't know where to begin.