All that swirls thru the back of my head is the attempt I made this day in 2007. And a pressing guilt and anger. I know I was not enough. And I know I cannot do anything now.. I feel guilty.. You all left. And I was supposed to have years ago.. I've just been mostly isolating. Knowing no one can really help me anyway. This internet is very limiting.. And my therapists and doctors don't seem to have a clue. But in doing so maybe I can't help anyone else either.. This may or may not make any sense. I just feel so selfish right now. I have no words for events anymore. Just pains and feelings which I have conveniently locked away.. Because I cannot show them here.. It's easy for me to pretend I'm OK on the outside.. Been doing it all my life. I think it's at a point I even fool myself.. While yeah, it'd be nice if I just stayed that way, totally fine and stuff.. It's not all like that. I still have the feelings deep within me.. and feel no reason behind them.. And I know as it's happened before this will all build at eventually come out ugly if I find no way to release it. I think I'm now at my loss for words.. oh well..