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Hm.. i dislike my past of ED's.

Ive had anorexia nervosa, flipped to bulimia, flipped to anorexia, then back to anorexia nervosa.

Its annoying...

one minute i eat so fast im done in a few minutes, the next im the last to finish and i feel like pushing my fingers down my throat and ridding of the content thats just entered my body.

I havent been eating properley, im trying too, but its just too hard, i binge eat since im used to binging & then purging, i try my hardest to slow down, but i end up eating so fast without any intentions to do so.

Then on the other hand, i eat so slowly, im the one thats last to finish, and i stare at my food, chopping it into the smallest pieces, its just, i flip back over & over.

Ive been eating 2 meals a day which is good, but im overweight, im fat, im huge, ew.. im just ugly.. and i drink so much to reduce the hunger. Since ive been eating alot recently, i cant starve myself for so long without my stomach rumbling in public, i try to starve myself days on end, but other days i find it impossible to do so.

Binging is very addictive, since ive used it during my bulimia, binge & purge, im like a monster when i binge, i hardly chew, or even taste it, and afterwards i go for more and more and more!

But then i go too slowly.. take yesterday for example, i was eating and i chopped carrots into half and ate ever so slowly, chewing at least 10 times before swollowing, my mum and my social worker said dont worry, you're fine, we were just very hungry, but i couldnt even eat the whole meal, i only ate carrots, roasties and vegtables. Im so stupid, i cant even eat a whole meal..

I dont know why im posting this, its just a little rant i spose.. but i dont know, im thinking of fasting again, im so fat! I lost quite alot in a month when i flipped to anorexia nervosa, i went from VERY overweight, to slightly overweight, i dont know.. i constantly weigh myself.. i eat slowly but then i binge, expecting to purge, then i just.. i dont know...:unsure: :sad:
Ah girl, I know the feeling
I hated when I was binging
But thats over now
I wish I could help you
But the way I do it, isnt good.
What causes the binging?
You're an emotional eater?
You said you have a social worker
Have you already talked with him/her about it?
Hope you will feel better soon
Take care


The binging.. it came from the bulimia...

No, shes just from the social services to take me out on saturdays.
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