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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Spearmint, Oct 25, 2007.

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  1. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I don't know why my moods won't pick just one. I don't know why I can't sleep. I don't know why my mind races constantly. I'm taking the anti-depressants, I'm going to counseling, and I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I'm trying to get better, and I only feel worse. I've started to write more, maybe it'll help, I don't know, I don't know much of anything anymore, it's like I'm mentally inept. I'm withdrawing myself from people. I'm basically a living shell, a shell of myself.

    I don't care if I live or die at this point, I'm just so apathetic and numb, it's ridiculous. I have the stuff I need to do it, a ridiculous amount of pills and alcohol, and perhaps I won't, but I do think I'm going to take them. Not sure when, but I will. I'm not sure why I'm posting, maybe as a cry for help, but I ask myself sometimes, does anyone really care. Would anyone actually miss me if I was gone. And the more I think about it, the more the answer is no.

    I'm not asking for the completely fake ":hug: I care hun, here if you want to talk." responses all of us seem to have perfected. Most of you don't even know me. Maybe some of you do care, and are there, but I'm asking for honesty. Or maybe I'm not asking anything. Maybe I'm just rambling, and posting my thoughts. I'm not sure what's going on in my mind. I'm not sure what's going on with my life. I'm just..unsure.
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Damn, I know how it is. :sad: But please try and hang in there?

    Youre nowhere near mentally inept . You're brilliant and a lot of other beautiful things. WIsh you'd see. If the writing's helping, continue with it. Build on it. It's good to have a creative outlet.

    Cliche, but: "It gets worse before it gets better" >.<

    Keep going with the counseling and stuff... it takes time... you'll get there.

    You're a lot stronger than you feel....

    I'm pulling for ya. Hope gettingi t out helped some. Best wishes to you and always. xx

    (and i'll throw in a very quick, serioiusly genuine:

    :hug: I care hun, here if you want to talk.

    :hiding: sorrybutitstrue.)
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2007
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    jess i know we havn't talk in awhile but i just want you to know that i honestly do care :hug:, and like what rae said if writing helps keep doing it.
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    My baby sis..you come talk to me sweetheart :hug: I love you so much girl, please don't do anything to hurt yourself. i would miss you alot whether you believe that or not. Forget the people that don't know you and rely on the ppl that do know you and care deeply. Please know you aren't alone in feeling that no one would care if youd isappeared. I would notice and I know others would too.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Indeed we would :hug:
  6. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Jess, you're just such an amazing person I hate that you feel this way. :sad: You know the whole 'I suck at advice' thing, but seriously Jess. Everyone would care, everyone would miss you. Even just here everyone would miss you so much. :sad: I know it absolutely sucks, but just keep pulling through- you have so much ahead of you that you can't even imagine yet (i know i do too, not to sound all like i'm 75 years old on you, but i think about that when i'm in moods like this).

    As always, I am here whenever you need to talk. Or if you just need someone to listen while you ramble on throwing in the occasional sad face, hug, or 'awww.' (i'm best at that.... :sad:) No, seriously though, anytime you need me PM me or message me on msn, okay? Because you know i care... xx <3
  7. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to hear that you're really up and down lately. I always read the 'Let it Out' threads and I seen you haven't been well. I wish I could do more. Though SF can usually only offer so much. Seems like SF is the place where you have to put a little effort forward to get help. And it's understandable, I know what you mean like numb / inept.

    Things like that make it difficult to reach out for contact. I don't really think of too many people in the sense of worrying; but you're one of them. I would miss you if you died. And I know plenty of other people on this forum would as well. It's just as hard to help ourselves as it is to help others. It's never easy. But we still come here. I just hope you don't stop.

    Please be careful Jess. Always available PM and such, but everyone is. Just don't give up yet.
  8. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    jess u let it out which is a start my love.
    here i go with those cliches-life is up and down
    but love hold on to the ups .
    loads care about u and so greatful u shared this
    if i could find my wand i would make lewis clothes fit on ironing board again -they bigger then my clothes now,and that he will be a tidy boy and u to be happy as all here.
    i will find it ,but u may find it before i do-i hope so,but in mean time we are here ok
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