I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I don't know why my moods won't pick just one. I don't know why I can't sleep. I don't know why my mind races constantly. I'm taking the anti-depressants, I'm going to counseling, and I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I'm trying to get better, and I only feel worse. I've started to write more, maybe it'll help, I don't know, I don't know much of anything anymore, it's like I'm mentally inept. I'm withdrawing myself from people. I'm basically a living shell, a shell of myself. I don't care if I live or die at this point, I'm just so apathetic and numb, it's ridiculous. I have the stuff I need to do it, a ridiculous amount of pills and alcohol, and perhaps I won't, but I do think I'm going to take them. Not sure when, but I will. I'm not sure why I'm posting, maybe as a cry for help, but I ask myself sometimes, does anyone really care. Would anyone actually miss me if I was gone. And the more I think about it, the more the answer is no. I'm not asking for the completely fake ":hug: I care hun, here if you want to talk." responses all of us seem to have perfected. Most of you don't even know me. Maybe some of you do care, and are there, but I'm asking for honesty. Or maybe I'm not asking anything. Maybe I'm just rambling, and posting my thoughts. I'm not sure what's going on in my mind. I'm not sure what's going on with my life. I'm just..unsure.