It's been a while, sub-forum. Not really sure how I feel. I hate "the struggle" working, bills, grind. Indiferent about all these people who gave up on/ used/ hurt me. Don't care about much, there's no enjoyment in doing things anymore. But it's not that I'm depressed. I just have to decide to be happy, bam! I'm happy. Sad? Angry? It's all the same. I spent so long learning to control my self, I feel uninterested in my emotions any more. So then where do I go? But there's always new things. Time to learn to love grinding my life away, and looking for some superficial meaning in it. Then I think, maybe dying is better? But I don't really feel like it is. Just easier. Then I would never know. Maybe my brains can do some good. Maybe I'll become a leader. Maybe I'll die young. I don't know. Maybe that's the fun part? Never knowing. Or maybe it's variety? Money? Power? I guess I'll know someday. Till then, it's time to grind.