I don't know what I feel right now. I shouldn't watch episode 11 of the first season of Joan Of Arcadia anymore, that's for sure. I fucking KNOW it'll trigger me, yet I keep watching it, cos it's such a beautiful episode. In fact it's my favorite episode. :unsure: urgh nevermind me. I'm just sick. I don't even want to talk about what I'm feeling anymore. I'm tired, as well physically as emotionally. So much paperwork to handle, so much other stuff to deal with, so many people to deal with, so many expectations to deal with. Right now all I want is to go lay in bed, in the arms of my housemate S. Not because I like him or am in love with him or cos I want to have sex with him, cos none of that is the case, but just because I know he cares and I know I can go there for a hug. And I like the way I feel when he gives me a hug. My other housemate now checks on SF sometimes which I don't know if I like yet. I don't really have anything I post on here about that she doesnt know of, but still I dont know if I'm comfortable with it. Not that it matters. How do I go through this time. Right now I know what I want. And working is not in that. I will just live off my savings account. IF I calculated correctly I should be able to live off that till University starts. If I make it that far. Urgh what am I rambling.. I should just shut the fuck up. Not post on this frickin' site anymore, I'm done hurting people I care about. I'm done having people I care for reading my posts and getting all sad or worried. WHy aren't the people who just are happy when they read my posts. Just happy. Urgh I'll just shut up right here, right now.