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Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Fantasia, Mar 27, 2007.

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  1. Fantasia

    Fantasia Member

    Sorry to post so soon after being a Newbie.

    I'm so confused. On the telly today some program was talking about *r* and how if a girl is so drunk and basically just flirts with a guy then if she ends up in a situation she doesn't want she can't really complain.
    One person was disagreeing but basically they were saying it's the girls fault. My fault.
    I can handle me knowing I brought it on myself, but to hear it that black and white other people telling me I was at fault...
    I know I shouldn't have been so forward, but he was also wrong.. right?
    I don't know what to think.
    I don't know what to do
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    First off, don't apologise for posting.

    There was a case in the UK not so long ago that was very similar to that situation, the girl was drinking (totally out of it infact) and flirting, and she was so out of it the guy did it despite the fact she did not consent. He said it was not rape, she said it was, and the judge ruled it as rape because the girl 1, had consented, 2, was in no fit state to accurately consent anyway.

    I would agree. Flirting and drinking does not give someone the right to violate your body. You did NOT bring it on yourself. It's like if a girl dressed provocatively, does that mean that it is right to violate her body? No. Simple as. The only time sex is 'right' is if both parties are consenting. If only one consents, and the other does not, and the consenting one does it anyway, that is not right.

    You are not to blame, and did not bring it on. It is common for victims of such abuse to blame themselves, and it must have been awful for you to see an debate that was so close to home, and that contained a narrow minded individual. But that does not make it your fault.

    Have you ever had any help or support to help you deal with the pain of what you went through? Maybe therapy or something like that. Have you been able to tell people about what happened?

    If you want to chat then feel free to PM me. But remember above all that you are not to blame for this.

    Take care of yourself
  3. Fantasia

    Fantasia Member

    I haven't really had any help for it. I'm going to my doctors tomorrow to try and see about getting professional help (I SH aswell).
    Thank you for the thoughtful response.
    It is just quite hard as I can;t stop thinking about it.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It's excellent that you are going to the docs, well done you. Try to be as honest as you can about as much as you can. If you can, beforehand, try to write it all down, that way you won't forget anything.

    It's natural it plays on your mind, maybe that means that your mind is ready to deal with it. Hopefully if you can get some therapy for your SI and are able to talk about this too, that could really help you.

    Maybe if it feels trapped in your head you could try and release it somehow, like writing it or drawing it, or something positive like that.

    Just a thought.

    Hang in there
  5. SeemsPerfect

    SeemsPerfect Guest

    I agree w/ Scum - you are DEFINITELY not the one who committed the crime. PLEASE don't hold yourself accountable like that. We're all here for you. And, again, it wasn't your fault.
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