Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Dudly, Jun 3, 2007.

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  1. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    I made this post before...but it was erased due to the site getting hacked. Id like to retell it here.

    Ive been feeling suicidal alot lately. I think that all or most of my problems circle around a dark event in my past. When I was 4, I was molested. I didnt tell anyone. I didnt know what had happened to me. I had nightmares of the incident but they stopped after a while. Being molested messes you up. My cousin was molested and after hearing about it....and observing things I considered for the first time that maybe my problems are because what happened when I was 4. When I was molested, I lost my virginity. Dont ask how, you dont want to know. I can recall having erections as early as 5 years old. I didnt understand it at first but I eventually figured it out. This depresses me everyday because of the implications. You see, when you lose you virginity after a while you become impotent. I was 4; I am now 18. This depresses me the most. I am jealous of those that are so lucky as to not have this happen to them. Also Ive become sure that its changed my sexual preference. I believe I was strait but I am now bisexual. I have read into this and seen an example. I come to think that the molestation has poisoned my mind. I think it may be the reason why I have ADD. The realizing of what happened to me made me depressed all the time. I started walking with my head down in the hall ways in junior high. I lost my confidence. I had low self asteem. Being ugly and having no talents did not help it. I was not bullied as much as I could have been because they seen the kid I was. I was asked if my parents beat me or something the odd time. My parents were alcoholics but they did no such thing. I held the secret in. I moved away from my friends after grade 9 and became lonely. I started playing a online game to keep in touch with them. I got addicted to the game and continued playing long after my they quit. I lost my creative side. I wanted to design video games. It was a dream I guess. I tried to quit the game but couldnt. I thought maybe I had writers block but I know now. That part of mes dead forever. Video games in general are boring now. I find it difficult to fill the time now.

    But theres a brightside. I still have those friends. they are the only thing I have left that I care about. I dont really care what we do as long as Im with them. They dont do drugs or drink. They are mostly gamers.

    Whats bugging me the most lately is my one friend. I love him and he loves me, I guess hes my boy friend. Although we both know it niether of us have said anything about it.. Hes been pressuring me for sex in less direct ways then just saying it. But I cant, Im impotent. It tears me up inside. Hes going to leave me when he finds out. I dont know if I can handle that. I also love this girl but this just complicates things. Shes a new friend and thats exackly what I want her to be. But I think I creep her out. People ussally get that way around me. Its awkward around her, I am unable to act like I normally do around my other friends.

    I dont know what to do. Maybe someone can give me advise
  2. Duellist

    Duellist New Member

    Oh me, what a dreadful story... I don't believe being molested always makes you impotent or bisexual (though there is nothing wrong with the latter) and it's certainly something to see a doctor/therapist/shrink about. It curable, you know, so swallow the embarassment an get help.

    As for your friend, go for it. If he loves you he'll be understanding about your issues and try to help you through them. I wouldn't go after the girl quite yet, though, as she is an unknown quantity. One lover at a time is quite enough, I should think.

    Best of british luck.
  3. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    Where to start....

    Sexuality is a strange things, lots and lots and lots of younger men have "sexual" relationships with "mates", its a part of growing up, for some it will be be "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" right the way through masterbating together, each other, up to full on sex, some grow out of it, some don't, I have no idea why it's not more widely and openly talked about with young men, because for some it becomes such a big deal, when really its not, its just one of those things that happens and as long as you are both willing, I really dont see the harm in it, but then being "gay" I wouldn't ;-)

    No being able to get an erection at 18 is very unusual, and from what you have said in your post, I think it might help you to talk about this with someone, anyone you trust, your mate / boyfriend might be a good place to start, if seeing a counsiler is a bit too scarey right now.

    This little trick is older than I am, during sleep men get several erections through out the night, it's perfectly natural, so to see if you get them in your sleep might be a start, this can be done, with tissue and tape, pull the tissue apart so its really thin, put it around the little fella and tape the end, if the tissue is broken in the morning, all is fine in the trouser department, if it isn't then may be you should see a doctor, as there could be a medical problem.

    What happen to you in the past is a terrible thing, but remember this, you did nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you where not to blame for what happened, you didn't bring it on yourself........... IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    If I had to guess, I would say you are mentaly linking what happened, with your natural feelings are toward your friend, you are classing them as the same thing, something dirty, a guilty secret to be ashamed of and that simpley isn't true, what you have with your mate is a very special thing, something to cherish and hold on to, with all your heart, if thats what you both want, it doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't let it.

    It might last, it might not, you both may grow out of it, you might not, life is like that, you never quite know whats going to happen next, for now try and relax, make the most of what you have, and try not to think about stuff so much, just roll with it, have fun and see what happens.

    Take care
    Have fun
    Be safe
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