Today I was the closest I've ever been to killing myself, I felt completely hopeless. I just wanted so badly to end it. All my housemates were away today, so perfect timing. I felt ready, prepared. Then my mum called me, just to have a chat and I cried down the phone because I was so relieved to hear a friendly voice. She could tell I was upset, and really convinced me to hang on. Once we stopped talking after about an hour, I suddenly realised how I couldnt do it. How much she cares about me, and that my life is not over yet. Yes I'm in a horrible place right now, but, I dunno, from somewhere I've found a tiny bit of hope. A little bit of hope that says maybe I havent totally screwed everything up forever. I'm not completely stable, and keep bursting into tears frequently, but I'm hanging on in there, as cheesy as it may sound. I'm not done yet.