Lately, I have actually been thinking so much about myself, and one thing that got to me was the fact that I don't hang out with girls (even though I'm a girl myself), I only hang out with boys, all my friends are boys, I even have best friends that are boys too. I've been feeling embarrassed about talking about this to my Mom, but I have been thinking that maybe I'm like this because for my whole life I've always been surrounded by boys, and grew up with them. To start off, I'm a Daddy's girl, me and him were practically close like best friends, I grew up more attached to him than my Mom (even though I still do get along with my Mom). He totally got me into video-games, most times I would sit there with him watching football (soccer) on TV, we also would watch a load of Action, and Gory Horror movies, anything violent basically, I love that shit. My childhood friends that I have been close with were boys, we hung out in school everyday, and after school I would go to their houses and just basically watch cartoons yet most of the time we would be playing a lot of video-games. I'm still close to these boys up until now and we'd basically do the same things to have fun as well as go out and have fun up the city together, we're basically a group, with me being the only girl there. Now, I'm 18 and I've noticed how much of a hardcore video-gamer I am, I'm totally into games like Resident Evil (this being my favorite video-game of all time, basically the first game my Dad got me into when I was 8), Metal Gear Solid, Call Of Duty and God Of War to name a few. I'm more into shooting games, and anything to do with zombies lol. I also love reading Manga Comic books, normal comic books like (I read Marvel mostly), and I also love watching a lot of anime. Not that I'm a tomboy by the way, I'm just totally into things all girls wouldn't enjoy. I'm not sure why, but I can never see myself being friends with a girl, I do not get along with girls, when I started High School, I've attended an all-girls school and felt so lonely since the rest of my group of friends went to the same boys school and I separated from them. I found it hard to try and get used to the surroundings especially when they're all filled with girls, none of them were like me, I had no choice but to hang out with them, but to be honest, I found it boring, all they ever seem to talk about were boys, music (the kind I'm not into), make-up etc. I can never seem to find anything to talk about with them, usually, me and my guy friends would talk about games, talking about which ones were gonna be released, you know, that kind of thing, and we also would muck about so much it would always be so fun. I'm not trying to insult girls or nothing and I have nothing against other girls or am being stereotypical, I know I'm a girl too anyway.. just different, and I can't find other girls that are just like me. Whenever girls would approach me and try to get to know me, they would always ask me what I'm into, as soon as I tell them what kinds of stuff I'm into, they stay silent or look at me as if to say, "Eww.." but I would never care anyway, I'm used to the fact that I would always get that kind of reaction from girls. I don't want to change who I am, because really, I have no problem with the kind of person I am right now, I just wish that girls would accept me for who I am, for some reason anyway, they're just so boring to talk to at times yet I don't mind being there for them if they ever needed someone because that's a different story. Even if I tell myself I'm not a tomboy, I still think about the little things that makes me seem like one, despite my interests, I don't really like wearing very girly clothing, I would stick to jeans or shorts most of the time, I hardly wear skirts because I don't feel comfortable in them. But I do wear make-up sometimes, I even know how to put eyeshadow on (WOW!). But I'm just not so sure about myself at the moment, I've grown up and have reached the stage where I learn different things about myself even more each day. I can't seem to get along with girls but would want to try, yet I can't seem to do this anyway and I will never change who I am, I don't know, I guess as I type I feel even more confused. Part of me feels like I should try blending in with other girls since I'm afraid it could affect my future, like for example, if I were to have a daughter, I know deep down I would want to raise her the right way, and I would want our relationship to be a good one, with really good bonding between us, I want to be a perfect Mother for later on in life, but how can I when I feel like I would not be able to tell my future daughter about girl stuff? And if she had girly problems, how would I be able to relate? I'm sorry for the rant, but this is something I'm kind of worrying about at the moment and I'm too shy to talk to Mom about it, my sister too since I know she'll just laugh right in my face about it and tease me loads about it. And also, am I really a tomboy? I'm so confused.. Thank you all for taking the time to read this though.