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  1. People keep asking me what I plan to do with myself; what I want to do next, "this is a pivotal point in your life!".. and I can never answer these questions, because the only thing running through my mind is "I'm going to kill myself." It's so infuriating. I can't even make the simplest decision anymore. I feel completely gone already, total indifference. Blank, empty and inanimate.

    I have so much shit going on, and not one person knows about it. I am utterly alone. I could be seriously ill (long story), but still haven't plucked up the courage to visit a doctor…it's probably too late now, anyway.

    I'm stuck, and too much of a physical coward to take the easy way out.


    I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this. Just needed to vent. Tell someone, anyone..
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i think you really should see a doctor..it's never too late
    here if you need to talk
  3. Hey, thanks. I know I should, but I'm just so worried :(

    It's like, if I go, then it'll be the begining of the end. I realise how sick I am, and hiding it is so tough..visiting a doctor will just make it official.
  4. I'm not going for my depression/anxiety/eating disorder..hah. That would be pointless and futile. The NHS don't do jack for that stuff, as you probably all know, so I've given up there. The things concerning me now are the massive tumour-like lumps all over my body. The constant pain around these areas, cramping and stinging. Right now my left leg is on fire. The left side of my neck is swollen and thick, also. Man..I'm a mess. It hurts so bad.
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    <mod edit: bunny - quoting deleted post>

    i think they meant for the illness this person is going thru, if you read to first post it says they maybe ill and are affraid to go to the doctor so downinthedumps suggested they go to the doctor and I know_I know_I know agreed, really no need for bad post, downinthedumps was right
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2006
  6. dark_thought

    dark_thought Guest

    Ah yes I think I jumped the gun there with that comment...Sorry people. My bad.

    I thought you were implying that people suffering from depression should just go to the doctor and 'all will be well'. Again sorry if I offended.

    If it's a medical problem and you're afraid to go to the doctor (and I know what that's like as I suffer from some conditions myself), you have to remind yourself that they see people everday with all sorts of problems - you'll just be another case to them. What's worse? A few minutes of embarrisment or months of suffering in silence?

    Once again, apologies. I don't usually make posts like that...:sad:
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yes focusing on suicide is something that gets in the way of me a lot.... so lucky for me long ago I developed a special thing. I call it my mask. My mask makes up my mind for me while the real me hates me and plots how to kill me...

    Yet I am too scared to do any of the plans I have..... I am a weak pathetic coward. When the planned day comes I will just wuss out like everyone wants me to thus showing how weak and miserable of a human being I am.
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