People keep asking me what I plan to do with myself; what I want to do next, "this is a pivotal point in your life!".. and I can never answer these questions, because the only thing running through my mind is "I'm going to kill myself." It's so infuriating. I can't even make the simplest decision anymore. I feel completely gone already, total indifference. Blank, empty and inanimate. I have so much shit going on, and not one person knows about it. I am utterly alone. I could be seriously ill (long story), but still haven't plucked up the courage to visit a doctor…it's probably too late now, anyway. I'm stuck, and too much of a physical coward to take the easy way out. Fuck. I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this. Just needed to vent. Tell someone, anyone..