Hmmm unsure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stocker, Feb 10, 2009.

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  1. stocker

    stocker New Member

    Hmm rather unsure if this will benifit me or not hell if no one around me bothers much to care rather hard to expect strangers to.

    In a nutshell, extreamly depressed high on her meds and tempted each time I aproach for a dose to take the whole bloody lot of them. Have not been able to sleep over 48 hours lost all appitite even the smell makes me gag.

    Been many years of abuse finnaly left my ex 3+ years ago yet just got out of jail for his 4th domestic and death threat. They figured we were so at risk they did emergency safty move in the middle of the summer before he got out lost my farm family friends home belongings my horses everything is gone and lost. He won in the end what I would not allow him to have in 11 years he isolated me from everything and everyone.

    Everyone says I brought it on myself by being with him. More so for returning to him after Katlin was born and at the utmost stupid for having Sarah considering what he is like now to endure single motherhood solo while in constant fear of him finding us yet never stepping on the toes of the girls to young to know better for thier love for thier father.

    Just to much anymore
  2. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    you'll find very supportive people here. do you have any support system where you are?
  3. stocker

    stocker New Member

    no Absoloutly none at the moment and both girls are moderately to severly ADHD and I am fully disabled for life thanks to him so this is to me in many ways 100x worse then what I actually went through for many years and since i have no one to turn to theese pills make it feel all the better rather quick
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Stocker,
    Welcome to the forum. You will find alot of support here and some ideas on how to cope. You say your disabled because of him, do you receive SSI? If you do you can work from home as long as you don't make over $800.00 a month from the job. That little income will help you build back some of the self esteem he took from you.
    I take it by your thread that he doesn't know where you and the girls are? Thats good, also do you have a retraining order against him? I'm really sorry you have been thru this but keep in mind that not everyone is like that. Eventually you will get your life back. Stay with us we will give you as much support as you need, and be here for you if you just need to vent your frustrations. You can PM me anytime>>>>Take care!!~Joseph~
  5. stocker

    stocker New Member

    sigh welcome to the Canadian justice system because there are children involved *his* he has parental rights and since he has never been "officialy" charged with anything to thier safty *kids to young to be conclusive to the abuse* they cannot give full order it would violate his parental rights..

    That said I do have sole custody but judge said a man that beats his wife even while pregnant shows anger to the wife not the child and just cause he beats women and animals does not prove he will in fact for certain do it to the child*ren*

    Again abusers get the protection and we are the ones forced to scramble
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :hug: stocker, i am so sorry you were inflicted with a man such as that, no one deserves it, and no one ever chooses it.
    it is not your fault for it at all. do not let that thaught enter your head huni.
    you have 2 beautiful reasons for being happy on some level why it happened, your daughters. and now you can give them a great life away from that hell. you may not see it now, but you will.

    and it doesnt have to be in physical terms, you can be a great mother to those little girls, and i know that because you knew it was right to take them from such an abusive place. :hug: we are here for you now we will help
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