hmmm...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jckenny, Oct 6, 2009.

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  1. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    I just feel like there's no point to anything anymore, no one cares about me, I'm a failure, everything I do is always wrong... no one would ever notice if I died, everyone would prolly say: ''Oh that kid died, oh well'' I can't live like this anymore, I'm tired of being alone, I hate this!! I hate my life!! ... :sad:
     
  2. dostrescuatro

    dostrescuatro Member

    I really believe that there's always someone who cares about us more than we can imagine. What about your parents? Or maybe friends at school?

    Maybe you can explain why is it that you don't like your life right now, so we can give you some advice :)
     
  3. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    I dont have any friends at school, the friends I had are long gone... and my parents have never really cared about me.
     
  4. dostrescuatro

    dostrescuatro Member

    Are you sure? Why do you say your parents don't care? And even if they don't, what about other relatives? There has to be someone!

    I'm sure there are lots of people who would miss having you in their lives.
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :hug: How old are you? Are you in high school or college?
     
  6. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    Well all my other relatives live like far far away. And Im a Senior in High School. And no there really isnt anyone who would actually miss me..
     
  7. planechaser

    planechaser Well-Known Member

    is there something that pushed you to make this decision?
    whats going on that makes you want to do this?
    give us a little more information and maybe we can help
    just keep holding on
     
  8. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    Well, I had a really rough childhood. My parents never wanted any kids in the beginning, so like, they were always like ''meh'' towards me. Never really wanted to do anything that normal parents would do with their kids and would always find ways to like get rid of me for as long as possible. And when they were around all they would do was treat me like hell. I've always felt real sad and lonely, I never had a chance to make any friends because we would live somewhere for 2-4 years and then move, just because they felt like it. And now that they decided to settle in a place at last, its been hell. The few friends I made are all gone, one of them(The one I mostly hung out with) was in an accident 2 years ago and passed away, and my other friend moved to Chile last year. So, now, there's like no one who wants to be my friend, and I've always felt rejected, it's always been just me, in a small, cold room... like no one gives a crap about what happens to me. At least, my parents would probably be happy I'm gone. There's other things I dont like to talk about which have all made me hate my life, and feel like I dont want to live anymore. Like there is no point of me being around...
     
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Wow, being a Senior in high school means you will have new adventures in your life very soon and there are people out there who will become your friends.

    I'm 52 and I'm a grandma. You can pm me about anything. :hug:

    What kinds of things are you interested in?
     
  10. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    None anymore, my dreams were all crushed by being told I as worthless all the time and hat I would never get to be someone in life
     
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not worthless, and anyone who tells you that you are is wrong. You can still achieve your dreams.

    What are some things you'd want to do if you felt better about yourself?

    I hope you don't give up. You can PM me anytime if you feel like talking.
     
  12. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    I dont feel like it's worth to try anything any more, there's no one to back me up...
     
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know it sucks when you feel like you're alone in everything. It's hard because you want someone to be there, at least to encourage you, let you know when you've done a good job.

    I know it's not the same as having your family back you up; but you'll be able to make friends, friends that actually care about you. Don't give up your dreams; they're worth something.
     
  14. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    I hope it's true, because I can't deal with this any more, I've reached breaking point... sorry
     
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault!!
    Can you think of even one thing that you'd like to do, something you want to accomplish?
     
  16. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    I think the thing that 'solved' my depression and feelings of worthlessness, and actually made me 'transcend' depression was the realization that things are the way they are because of the way our society is structured, not because I was worthless or anything. Depression cannot exist without that element of self-loathing, so if one has great confidence it ceases to exist. What happened to me was I became very angry for various reasons, but as a side effect of that, I began to realize that things were the way they were because people were socially conditioned to act certain ways. People didn't want to be there because they were taught to avoid emotional situations. They didn't want to be there because emotional outbursts are stigmatized. They didn't want to be there because they didn't want to feel the pain. Not because they thought that personally, I was worthless, even if it felt immensely painful to have no one there.

    And even afterward, it continued to be painful having no one there, but at least I was in control for once. I knew that I was actually just as good if not far ahead of the majority, because I thought about deep ideas and perspectives that few people dared to bring up. I knew this was true because even bringing these things up casually brought a lot of discomfort and awkwardness. But as a result of this new found confidence and realization that it was really society and socialization's fault for people being so callous and miserably distant, I became really really angry at things in general. I realized that other people had the void in their life, they just didn't realize it yet and that mental trauma or even depression was caused when this void was felt but not dealt with properly (no one being there, etc).

    I tried and tried in various ways to talk to people about this, to find people who had experienced this very experience. My mind sped up in many ways; my creativity skyrocketed, my thoughts went much faster, and previously complex systems formed predictable patterns. Everything seemed boring all of a sudden. Through this time though, I still had no one, so I utterly self-destructed and attempted suicide. I couldn't take the pain of that whole thing, especially since I told no one and cleaned it up, so I completely clammed up. Some intellectual stuff remained, but that dissipated too. I lost myself to a stagnated abyss. Recently, I have opened back up, with serious anguish.

    I'm not saying this is a wonderful thing. But I think it is preferable to feeling hatred towards oneself. In a way, I guess. But that's my story and really the best advice I think I can give you. If you find someone to be there for you, I think you won't end up going through that self-destructive process as much either.
     
  17. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    I just don't know what to do, who to go to, or anything... It's as if I were invisible among people.
     
  18. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    That's more because people as a whole are worthless, but that's the wrong word. They're callous and unempathetic for the most part. Some may say 'sorry' or 'feel better' but few really relate to you in a meaningful way. It has nothing to do with you, even if this is something that is really difficult to get away from.
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not invisible. Here if you need anything. :hug:
     
  20. jckenny

    jckenny Member

    I just need someone there, everyday I fall deeper and deeper into addictions, I just want out already...
     
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